Phaneron

Neighbours - S8-E20

Tim: Al, why don't you tell us your favorite part of gardening?
Al: Well, I'd have to say it's getting down and dirty with my hoe.

Phaneron ★

Brains and Eggs - S1-E1

Mary: For future reference, I have a red Volvo.
Dick: Please, Dr. Albright, we barely know each other.

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You Only Move Twice - S8-E2

Hank Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentleman. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold, or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this. [Presses the button on a remote control, causing a bridge to collapse.]
U.N. Official #1: Oh my God, the 59th Street bridge.
U.N. Official #2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
U.N. Official #1: We can't take that chance.
U.N. Official #2: You always say that. I want to take a chance.

Phaneron ★

Homer vs. Patty and Selma - S6-E17

Chief Wiggum: Evening, Simpson. You got a short in your taillight, started blinking when you made that turn.

Phaneron ★

Marge vs. the Monorail - S4-E12

Mayor Quimby: Alright, I'm in charge here.
Chief Wiggum: Oh, run along Quimby. I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere.
Mayor Quimby: Watch it, you talking tub of donut batter.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you Quimby.
Mayor Quimby: You don't scare me. That could be anyone's ass.

Phaneron ★

Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays - S15-E8

[Bart and Lisa are fighting over the television remote and land on an episode of "King of the Hill"].
Hank Hill: Bobby, I got propane in my urethra.

Phaneron ★

The Dealership - S9-E11

Elaine: You're a salesman now. The high-five is, it's very grease-monkey.
Puddy: What did I tell you about that?
Elaine: I'm sorry, but the high-five is just so stupid.
Puddy: Oh yeah? I'll tell you what's stupid: you, stupid.
Elaine: Oh that is really mature.
Puddy: Yeah? So are you. You're the grease-monkey.
Elaine: That doesn't make any sense.

Phaneron ★

The Dealership - S9-E11

George: I'd like to report a problem with one of your mechanics.
Dealership Manager: When did you bring your car in?
George: Yeah right, I'm gonna get my car repaired at a dealership. Why don't I just flush my money down the toilet?
Dealership Manager: Sir, what exactly is the problem?
George: One of your guys, Kip or Ned, short name, stole my Twix candy bar.
Dealership Manager: Are you saying he grabbed your candy bar away from you?
George: He might as well have. I caught him, and his face was covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs.
Dealership Manager: I thought you said it was a Twix.
George: Oh it was, but he claimed it was a 5th Avenue bar.
Dealership Manager: Maybe it was.
George: Oh no, Twix is the only candy with the cookie crunch.
Dealership Manager: What about the Hundred Thousand Dollar bar?
George: Nope, rice and caramel.
Dealership Manager: Nougat?
George: No.
Dealership Manager: Positive?
George: Please.
Employee: You know they changed the name from Hundred Thousand Dollar bar to 100 Grand?
George: All I want is my 75 cents back, an apology, and for him to be fired.
Dealership Manager's Father: I remember when you used to be able to get a Hershey for a nickel.
Male Customer: What's the one with the swirling chocolate in the commercial?
George: They all have swirling chocolate in the commercial.
Dealership Manager's Father: Not Skittles.
Dealership Manager: Dad, I told you you could sit here only if you don't talk.
Female Customer: You make your father sit here all day?
Dealership Manager: He likes it.
George: Alright, do you mind? I have the window. Now what are you gonna do about my Twix?
Male Customer: Twix has too much coconut.
George: No, there's no coconut!
Employee: I'm allergic to coconut.
Dealership Manager: I'm not.
Dealership Manager's Father: A nickel.

Phaneron ★

The Dealership - S9-E11

George: Excuse me. I believe you just ate my Twix bar. It was dangling, and when you purchased your Twix bar, you got a little freebie. And you never bothered to ask why, or seek out its rightful owner.
Mechanic: First of all, it wasn't a Twix. It was a 5th Avenue bar.
George: You must think I'm pretty stupid. That was no 5th Avenue bar. I can see the crumb right there in the corner of your lip. Now that is a cookie, and we all know that Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch.
Mechanic: It's a little nougat.
George: Nougat? Please. I think I've reached a point in my life where I can tell the difference between nougat and cookie. So let's not just say things that we both know are obvious fabrications.

Phaneron ★

A Star is Burns - S6-E18

Smithers: Sir, the actors are here to audition for the part of you.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Hannibal Lecter: Excellent. [Snarls].
Mr. Burns: Next.
William Shatner: Ex. Cell. Ent.
Mr. Burns: Next.
Homer: Exactly. Heh heh. D'oh!
Mr. Burns: Next.
Bumblebee Man: ¡Excelente!
Señor Spielbergo: Es muy bueno.
Mr. Burns: Oh, it's hopeless. I'll have to play myself.

Phaneron ★

Tree House of Horror IV: The Simpson's Halloween Special IV - S5-E5

Demon: So, you like donuts, eh?
Homer: Uh huh.
Demon: Well, have all the donuts in the world. [Laughs maniacally.]
[Homer proceeds to eat all the donuts in the world with little effort.]
Demon: I don't understand it. James Coco went mad in fifteen minutes.

Phaneron ★

Bart Star - S9-E6

[Marge is trying to purchase a sports cup for Bart.]
Marge: He's going to need, uh, protection.
Clerk: Sure, one helmet coming up.
Marge: I was thinking more like protection for, down there.
Clerk: Oh, why didn't you say so? Knee pads, you got it.
Marge: [Laughs nervously] I'm talking about his personal area.
Clerk: Aha, say no more. I read you loud and clear. The old shoulder pads.
Marge: Look, I want a cup.
Clerk: Cup? Could you spell that?
Marge: C-U-P. I wanna C-U... oh my god!

Phaneron ★

In Marge We Trust - S8-E22

Principal Skinner: Mother's gone too far. She's put a cardboard box over her half of the television. We rented "Man Without a Face." I didn't even know he had a problem.

Phaneron ★

Tree House of Horror XI - S12-E1

Homer: Did you see that? I did the deed. Open up.
St. Peter: Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't looking.
Homer: Hey, I thought you guys could see everything.
St. Peter: No, you're thinking of Santa Claus.
Homer: Well I'll be damned.
St. Peter: I'm afraid so, yes. [Drops Homer into Hell.]

Phaneron ★

The Springfield Files - S8-E10

Kent Brockman: Tonight on eyewitness news: a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up.
Coma patient: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?
Kent Brockman: No, she won an Oscar and he's a congressman.
Coma patient: Good night! [Flatlines].

Phaneron ★

The Bart of War - S14-E21

Mayor Quimby: Welcome fans of America's favorite pastime: baseball?

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Adrian: At the stroke of midnight, my father will be completely deteriorated, and all your souls will be mine. Soon you will see things more horrible than you can even imagine. [Looks into the crowd and sees Nipples erotically dancing.] Well maybe not that horrible, but still pretty bad.

Phaneron ★

The Old Man and the Lisa - S8-E21

[Mr. Burns is grocery shopping for the first time and sees Krusty getting a box of Krusty O's]
Mr. Burns: Could you tell me where I might find the Burns O's?
Krusty: Sorry Pops, they don't put nobodies on cereal boxes.
Mr. Burns: [Looking at a box of Count Chocula] Well, I suppose this one looks a bit like me.

Phaneron ★

Mommie Beerest - S16-E7

Marge: You'd be quite a catch if you'd shower and shave and stop swearing under your breath.
Moe: Aw, thanks Marge. [Under his breath.] Know-it-all bitch.

Phaneron ★

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious - S8-E13

Young Rainier Wolfcastle: [singing a commercial jingle] Mein bratwurst has a first name. It's F-R-I-T-Z. Mein bratwurst has a second name. It's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.

Phaneron ★