Sgt. Lance Dawson: Staff Sergeant Lance Dawson, United States Army, serial number DL3268.
Sir Lancelot: Sir Lancelot, at your service.
Teddy Roosevelt: Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States of America.
Sir Lancelot: I have no idea what that means.
Apa: If you can't beat them at their game, beat them at yours.
Rayford Steele: I know you all want answers, and believe me, so do I.
Old Monk: Would you like to come in?
Hector: Yes, please. 'Cause I might not be around next week.
Old Monk: The moment of death is indeed uncertain. Come in.
Kevin: Okay, So here's the Plan... We take them inside, get their hand stamped and they can't get out. Like Shawshank Redemption.
Marco: I love it.
Taya Renae Kyle: If you think that this war isn't changing you, you're wrong. You can only circle the flames so long.
Chrystal: What's the point in giving love if nobody gives it back?
Grumpy Cat: That's how we feel. Contrary to that sign on the door, we're not pets. I mean until somebody takes us home and loves us, we're just animals.
Ucok: You apologize! In their language, in our land! Where is your honor?
Rusty Nail: Learned that from a hockey ninja.
Stanley: I came to say that for some inexplicable reason that defies common sense and human understanding, that I have, of late, experienced some small... quite small but discernible, inner stirrings regarding your smile.
Pink Poodle: Kill me now.
David Raskin: We didn't invent time travel. We just put it together with the instructions.
Quinn Goldberg: You make it sound like we got it at Ikea.
James Payton: So, you Omar! Damn, man! You ain't what I pictured. You ain't nothing but a black dude. Probably from Decatur.
Mary Bee Cuddy: You are a poor specimen of a man, Vester Belknap.
Sheriff McDowell: The logging barons always cry "jobs" and "free enterprise," but the truth is, you barely pay enough to put food on the table.
Pemberton: Oh, we pay more than any job these men can get, and that's why there's a line fifty-deep every time there's an opening.
Sheriff McDowell: Openings? Yes, you always have openings, don't you, Mr. Pemberton? Because your camps have killed more men than the war between the States.
Mick: Charles Manson is walking through the forest with this guy. And this guy turns to him and says, Dude, this is one scary forest. Charles turns to him and says, Shutup, man! I'm the one who's gotta walk outta here on my own!
Phillip Altman: Sometimes I think you're too good for me.
Tracy Sullivan: Don't be silly, I'm definitely too good for you.
Laine Morris: Sarah if you're pushing it that is really messed up.
Sarah Morris: I'm not pushing it.