Max Simkin: Hey, Ma, let me ask you somethin'. You ever wish you were somebody else?
Sarah Simkin: No. I'm your mother. That's all I ever wanted to be.
Max Simkin: But... if you could do whatever you wanted to do, what would it be?
Sarah Simkin: Um... Have dinner with your father. That would be nice.
Max Simkin: I don't sell shoes, Mrs. Stevens.
Abraham Simkin: It's a privilege to walk in another man's shoes, Max, but it's also a responsibility.
Jimmy: If they ever have a kid, you won't be able to look directly at it.
Jimmy: I was always telling your pop he should sell this crap and make some money, but he can never throw anything away.
Max Simkin: Yeah, except his family.
