Dean Solomon: So... you're a janitor?
James: That's right. I'm a black man so I must be a janitor. Motherfucking racist-ass stereotyper.
Dean Solomon: It's just, you're... wearing a janitor's outfit.
James: Oh. So a black man can't just go in a thrift shop and buy a janitor's outfit 'cause he find it comfortable on his nuts.
Dean Solomon: No, he can. Especially a black man.
John Solomon: What do you do?
James: I'm a janitor.
Bruce Campbell: You don't know fear, kid. You've never worked with Sam Raimi.
Sylvia Likens: She sacrificed me to protect her children, and she sacrificed her children to protect herself.
Billy: Let's carve a scary face this time.
Ed: Do you wanna see what the other side of the camera looks like...?
Trudie: There may not be such a thing as a perfect job, a perfect life or a perfect family, but there is such a thing as a perfect moment. So I take back what I said. Doing one crazy thing probably does make you crazy, but it also can make you happy.
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
Winnie Mandela: When I married you, I knew I was marrying the struggle.
Arthur: Silence, experience shows, is what terrifies people most.
Silas: I gonna drop you like K-Fed.
Lady Murasaki: They will call it murder.
Hannibal Lecter: At worst a crime of passion.
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Burwell: You've been a bad girl, haven't you Lindsay?
Alex Fletcher: Just a little bit louder, because this song is intended for humans, okay? Way Back Into Love, take two.
Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us.
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest. We're here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention. A suckfest convention.
Pam: So how exactly does one become a stuntman?
Stuntman Mike: Well, in Hollywood, anyone fool enough to throw themselves down a flight of stairs can usually find someone to pay them for it. But really, I got into the business the way most people get into the stunt business.
Pam: How's that?
Stuntman Mike: My brother got me in it.
Pam: Who's your brother?
Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Bob.
