Jake Rodgers: I'm the Black Rambo.
Gina: ...Blambo?
Prior: Someone want to tell me what the fuck he's talking about?
McKay: He thinks we're being stalked by dead Nazis.
Jordan: Ghosts?
McKay: I didn't get shot by some fucking spectral entity, here. These things are solid.
Hunt: But the one that killed Cotter vanished right in front of us.
McKay: So why don't they swoop down here like God's own wrath and take us out right here and now, then, eh?
Hunt: I don't know. Maybe God's not in on this miracle.
Vince: Hey coach. Name is Vince. I'm just a bartender from Philly whose only dream is to play ball. It's all I got left after I lost my job teaching, and my wife left me. Like my alcoholic father used to say before he passed on, "A man can only take so much failure!" I'll give you everything I got. What do you say coach?
Lambeau "Coach" Fields: I say you can add "Did not make the football team" to your list of woes.
Turner Claymore: Here at Berm-Tech we offer you a handshake, whether you have hands, hooks, or flippers.
Burwell: You've been a bad girl, haven't you Lindsay?
Jake Oleson: I saw them feeding on Grandma Helen. They're like, vampires, you know?
Stella Oleson: Vampires don't exist, Jake.
Edith Piaf: Americans want beauties, not me. I'm not the Parisian bombshell they expected. Can you see me as a chorus girl? Where's my feather up the ass? They think I'm sad, they're dumb. I don't connect to them.
Charlie Duke: I was able to look out of the window to see this incredible sight of the whole circle of the Earth. Oceans were crystal blue, the land was brown, and the clouds and the snow were pure white. And that jewel of Earth was just hung up in the blackness of space.
Ben Murphy: Do you wanna walk the midget?
Judge Raines: What's that man's name?
George Johnson: Brian Sugarman.
Judge Raines: ...I'll see you Monday morning, don't bring sugarman.
Pathfinder: You have become the Pathfinder for the Dragon People. Good.
Ghost: I'm dying.
Pathfinder: Don't complain to me about it.
Sheriff Hague: Give him the gun. Give him all the guns.
Rafe: And the thing about romantics is, we never give up.
Mackenzie Carpenter: Lenny couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Richie Roberts: This man murdered thousands, and he did it from a penthouse and driving a Lincoln.
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
John Farley: You have a father?
Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, I'm not Jesus.
Carlton Leach: Listen, if I was you, I'd get those punters out of there 'cause the moment those Turks walk out that door, I'm gonna go fucking Schwarzenegger on the cunt.