Student: What is the difference between plot and narrative?
Dennis: I can lose weight, but you'll always be an asshole!
Tad Gruzsa: You know why you're here.
Tim Kearney: Probably cuz you want me to roll over on somebody, right?
Tad Gruzsa: Wrong, we don't want you to roll over on somebody. We want you to be somebody.
Tim Kearney: That's what my mom used to say.
Phil: I've gotta drop the kids off at the pool.
Juliette: We have a pool?
Phil: Uh, no.
Carlos Olivera: Just promise me one thing. When you get down there.
Alice: Consider it done.
Charlie Bartlett: Well, duh, dude, this place sucks, but I just worry that one day we're gonna look back at high school and wish we'd done something different.
Dr. Godfrey: It's true! Vagina Dentata! Vagina Dentata! Vagina Dentata!
Bill: They hate that I'm working at their bank. I hate that I'm working at their bank.
Benjamin: We are journalists! We can't do this. It is unethical... and insane.
Simon: It would be a pleasure to personally catch him.
Benjamin: By ourselves. By ourselves. We don't even have any weapons.
Simon: If I gave you a gun, would you know how to use it?
Benjamin: No.
Simon: Then what the fuck are you complaining about?
Duck: I told you. The moment you start drinking that Bosnian brandy, the devil's sitting in the corner, just laughing.
Erik Kernan Jr.: The Jermaine story I covered. It was a good fight.
Ralph Metz: Yeah, I buried it.
Erik Kernan Jr.: But why?
Ralph Metz: Something's gotta be buried.
Erik Kernan Jr.: That's what high school wrestling's for, right?
Joe Kingman: I have an answer to your question, P. Win or lose today, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Young Ann: Aren't you starting a little bit early?
Buddy Wittenborn: It's Newport. We start at noon.
Minister Tormer: There's not enough.
Avner Less: Enough what?
Minister Tormer: Enough hard evidence that his lawyer can't chip away at in court, or get him extradited to Germany. There's no death penalty in Germany. Which is ironic.
Asian Woman: Don't bury dead. First shoot in head.
Pat Garret: Newton, life is like a penis. When it's hard you get screwed. When it's soft you can't beat it.
Ram Shankar Nikumbh: Lf you fancy racing, breed racehorses, dammit, not children.
April Epner: Your wife was seeing someone else?
Frank: Pretty much everyone else. I was too much for her.
April Epner: Your wife? I'm sure she didn't feel that way.
Frank: She told me.
April Epner: What did she say?
Frank: 'You're too much for me.'.
April Epner: Ugh.
Kim: You redneck, lunatic bastard.
Fermina Urbino: The only thing that hurts me is that I don't have enough strength to give you the beating that you deserve for being so insolent and evil-minded. But you will leave this house right now and I swear to you on my mother's grave that you will not set foot in it again as long as I live. Life crippled that poor man 50 years ago, because he was too young and now you want to do it because we are too old.