Bruce Campbell: You don't know fear, kid. You've never worked with Sam Raimi.
Bruce Campbell: You know Jeff, I've gotten a lot of use out of chainsaws over the years. Killed a lot a zombies, saved a lot of lives, but at the end of the day when push comes to shove... they're just too damn heavy.
Bruce Campbell: Hey lady, ten cents a ride. No exceptions.
Bruce Campbell: Come on! Hooch! Hooch for the pooch.
Bruce Campbell: Dig up a bar of soap and a bottle of Jack. And not in that order.
Bruce Campbell: For the love of God I can smell her Chapstick.
Bruce Campbell: You want a disaster? Anyone here seen Assault on Dome 4?
Jeff: That's probably my favorite movie of.
Bruce Campbell: Don't answer that.
Bruce Campbell: Hey, light me, don't fight me.
Cinematographer: Hey, bite me.
Bruce Campbell: Jeff, I just have one request.
Jeff: Anything Bruce.
Bruce Campbell: Next time you unleash an ancient demon, call that Buffy chick.
Bruce Campbell: Sleep with the scorpions, bitch.
Bruce Campbell: Consider yourself officially exempt from my wrath sweetcakes, and if you're lucky a little later I'll let you play with my boomstick.
Bruce Campbell: Well, it's good to know that tofu really is good for your health.
Clayton: I kinda liked Bubba Ho-Tep.
Jeff: Everyone liked Bubba Ho-Tep.
Dirt Farmer: You know, they go to all the trouble to kidnap somebody, I'd have kidnapped that Jake character from Evil Dead 2.
Frank: My money'd have been on that blacksmith from Army of Darkness. Now that's one stud.
Dirt Farmer: Damn straight.
Frank: I wish I could quit you.
Bruce Campbell: I gotta make a phone call. I'll be right back, don't do anything quaint until I return.
Bruce Campbell: I'll take a slow screw against the wall, and make it a double.
