Dorothy: Ma, Rose isn't talking to me.
Sophia: Enjoy it while it lasts, now good night.
Sophia: Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway.
Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.
Rose: You... you... you rude person.
Dorothy: Go easy on him, Rose.
Rose: You know, I've been thinking.
Blanche: Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.
Sophia: Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. When life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right?
Blanche: Yeah.
Sophia: You can still walk, can't you?
Blanche: That's true.
Sophia: Great, go get me a glass of water.
Sophia: Beat it, you 50-year-old mattress.
Blanche: Why, you little.
Blanche: Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach.
Dorothy: Then what is it?
Blanche: To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back.
Blanche: Why I couldn't... I'd feel like a... like a.
Dorothy: Like a backstabbing slut?
Blanche: ...no.
Blanche: I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons.
Dorothy: Blanche.
Blanche: Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 4 kids, I've never had a Mercedes. So, which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.
Dorothy: Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving I'd never be able to stop. I mean, she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.
Sophia: I was right! By the time you were sixteen I could grate cheese on your knees.
Dorothy: Rose... Get professional help.
Blanche: I can't believe you said that! Oh if I weren't a lady I'd deck you.
Dorothy: You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date.
Rose: Now, I know no-one wants to hear any of my stories right now.
Dorothy: That's always a safe bet, Rose.
Rose: ...but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: Well, what's wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let's just say you wouldn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
Dorothy: Ma, I don't snore.
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.
Dorothy: Rose, I know this is a long shot, but did you take much acid during the sixties?
Dorothy: Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind.
Blanche: Tell that to my thighs.
Blanche: Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry.
Rose: But Blanche, you are crying.
Dorothy: Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II.
Rose: Huh?
Dorothy: Fine. Play it cagey.
Sophia: Alright everyone get ready for temple.
Dorothy: But Ma, it's Tuesday and we're Catholic.
Sophia: In that case, bacon and eggs?
Chosen answer: Rose's husband Charlie died making love to her. There are at least 3 different ways Blanche's husband George is said to have died: 1. Blanche was getting a pedicure when he was killed. 2. He had a car accident and died. 3. He had been in a coma and died. In theory they could all be combined (he had a car accident, fell into a coma, then died while she was having a pedicure), but that's conjecture. I'm not sure how Sophia's husband Sal died.
The episode where Blanche said her husband was in a car accident, she said she was on the phone with an officer (who was eating potato chips, crunch) who was at the scene of the accident, and the officer said George was hit head on and died.