Dorothy: Ma, Rose isn't talking to me.
Sophia: Enjoy it while it lasts, now good night.
Sophia: Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway.
Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.
Rose: You... you... you rude person.
Dorothy: Go easy on him, Rose.
Rose: You know, I've been thinking.
Blanche: Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.
Sophia: Blanche, a terrible thing has happened to you. When life does something like this, there are a couple of things you got to remember. You got your health, right?
Blanche: Yeah.
Sophia: You can still walk, can't you?
Blanche: That's true.
Sophia: Great, go get me a glass of water.
Sophia: Beat it, you 50-year-old mattress.
Blanche: Why, you little.
Blanche: Dorothy you're a substitute, your job isn't actually to teach.
Dorothy: Then what is it?
Blanche: To keep the kids from burning the school down until the other teacher gets back.
Blanche: Why I couldn't... I'd feel like a... like a.
Dorothy: Like a backstabbing slut?
Blanche: ...no.
Blanche: I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons.
Dorothy: Blanche.
Blanche: Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 4 kids, I've never had a Mercedes. So, which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.
Dorothy: Anyway, Ma told me that once I started shaving I'd never be able to stop. I mean, she said I'd regret it for the rest of my life because my legs would have bristles.
Sophia: I was right! By the time you were sixteen I could grate cheese on your knees.
Dorothy: Rose... Get professional help.
Blanche: I can't believe you said that! Oh if I weren't a lady I'd deck you.
Dorothy: You try and I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a date.
Rose: Now, I know no-one wants to hear any of my stories right now.
Dorothy: That's always a safe bet, Rose.
Rose: ...but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: Well, what's wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let's just say you wouldn't want to park your car under their oak tree.
Dorothy: Ma, I don't snore.
Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.
Dorothy: Rose, I know this is a long shot, but did you take much acid during the sixties?
Dorothy: Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind.
Blanche: Tell that to my thighs.
Blanche: Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry.
Rose: But Blanche, you are crying.
Dorothy: Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II.
Rose: Huh?
Dorothy: Fine. Play it cagey.
Sophia: Alright everyone get ready for temple.
Dorothy: But Ma, it's Tuesday and we're Catholic.
Sophia: In that case, bacon and eggs?
Answer: Ice makers were a new invention, advertisement purposes.