Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk is nearly five years younger than I am. Dorothy: In what, Blanche, dog years?
Sophia: Rose, just remember, you're smarter than people say you are. You've got good sense, and you know what you're doing. Rose: Oh, Sophia. Sophia: Blanche, you're a slut. Blanche: Oh, Sophia.
Sophia: You're Blanche's daughter, the model? Rebecca: That's right. Sophia: What did she model - car covers?
Sophia: Alright everyone get ready for temple. Dorothy: But Ma, it's Tuesday and we're Catholic. Sophia: In that case, bacon and eggs?
Sophia: All you ever do is talk about your sexual problems! Well, what about my sexual problem? Dorothy: Ma, what is your sexual problem? Sophia: I'm not getting any.
Blanche: I'll give you anything. I'll give you one of my sons. Dorothy: Blanche. Blanche: Dorothy, I've given this a lot of thought. I've had 4 kids, I've never had a Mercedes. So, which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma.
Rebecca: I'm havin' this baby in a birthin' center. They emphasize natural childbirth without any painkillers. Blanche: Honey, I know I told you where babies come from, but did I ever mention where they come OUT?
Dorothy: What are you trying to say, Rose? Weddings make you HOT? Rose: YES.
Sophia: Beat it, you 50-year-old mattress. Blanche: Why, you little.
Dorothy: Ma, Rose isn't talking to me. Sophia: Enjoy it while it lasts, now good night.
Blanche: Can you believe it? After four long years, my baby girl is finally coming to see me. I'm so happy, I could cry. Rose: But Blanche, you are crying. Dorothy: Admit it, Rose, you worked for Allied Intelligence during World War II. Rose: Huh? Dorothy: Fine. Play it cagey.
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood? Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.
Blanche: I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo. Dorothy: That's pretty jumpy.
Sophia: If this sauce were a person, I'd get naked and make love to it.
Sophia: Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it anyway.
Dorothy: Oh c'mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind. Blanche: Tell that to my thighs.
Dorothy: Ma, I don't snore. Sophia: Please! I had to turn you away from the window so you wouldn't inhale the drapes.
Sophia: Make way for the victors. Rose: You won the big game? Sophia: No, Rose. We lost and we all changed our names to Victor.
Rose: Oh, come on, Dorothy, that balloon man couldn't have been that terrible. Dorothy: I got the feeling I was the man's first date that wasn't inflatable.
Rose: Can I ask a dumb question? Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.
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