Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
Blackadder: Yes Baldrick. Let us not forget you tried to solve the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.
Blackadder: Oh God bills, bills, bills. One is born, one runs up bills, one dies. Honeslty Baldrick, sometimes I feel like a pelican - whichever way I turn, I've still got an enourmous bill in front of me.
Blackadder: [Describing Baldrick's poetry.] It started badly, it tailed off a little in the middle and the less said about the end the better, but apart from that it was excellent.
George: The war started because of the vile Hun and his villainous empire building.
Blackadder: George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think we can we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front.
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
Baldrick: I don't like them doctors. If they start poking around inside me...
Blackadder: Baldrick, why would anyone wish to poke around inside you?
Baldrick: They might find me interesting.
Blackadder: I find the Great Northern and Metropolitan sewage system interesting, but that doesn't mean I want to put on some rubber gloves and pull things out of it with a pair of tweezers.
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
Baldrick: Oh no, I hate hostipals! My grandad went into one, and when he came out he was dead!
Blackadder: He was also dead when he went in, Baldrick. He'd been run over by a traction engine.
Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5
Darling: A German spy is giving away every one of our battle plans.
Melchett: You look surprised, Blackadder.
Blackadder: I certainly am sir. I didn't realize we had any battle plans.
Melchett: Of course we've got plans! How else do you think our battles are directed?
Blackadder: Our battles are directed, sir?
Melchett: Of course they are. Directed accoring to the grand plan.
Blackadder: Oh I see. And would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everybody's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig, and their tortoise, Alan?
Melchett: Now, Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field
Blackadder: Would this brilliant plan involve us climbing over the top of our trenches and walking, very slowly towards the enemy?
Darling: How did you know that Blackadder? It's classified information
Blackadder: It's the same plan we used last time, and the seventeen times before that
Melchett: E-e-exactly! And that is what is so brilliant about it. It will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard. Doing exactly what we've done eighteen times before will be the last thing they expect us to do this time.
Blackadder: This place stinks like a pair of armoured trousers after the Hundred Years War. Baldrick, have you been eating dung again?
Young Crone: Do have an appointment?
Blackadder: No.
Young Crone: Well, you can go in anyway.
Blackadder: Thank you, young crone. Here is a purse full of moneys...which I'm not going to give to you.
Blackadder: I've had it up to here with that Prince. One more insult and our contract will be as broken as this jug
Baldrick: But that jug's not broken
Blackadder: You really do walk right into these things, don't you Baldrick?
[Smashes the jug on Baldrick's head.].
Baldrick: I'm glad to say you won't be needing those pills Mr. B.
Blackadder: Am I jumping the gun Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
Baldrick: They certainly are.
Blackadder: Well forgive me if I don't jump up and down with glee, your record in this department is not exactly 100%.
Blackadder: I was wondering whether, after being tortured by the most vicious sadist in the German army, I might be allowed a week's leave to recuperate.
Melchett: Excellent idea - your commanding officer would have to be stark raving mad to refuse you.
Blackadder: You are my commanding officer.
Melchett: Well?
Blackadder: Can I have a weeks leave to recuperate sir?
Melchett: Certainly not.
Blackadder: Thank you sir.
Melchett: Baaah!
George: You know what would cheer you up? A Charlie Chaplain film! Oh I love old chappers, don't you cap?
Blackadder: Unfortunately no, I don't. I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
Blackadder: Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?
Blackadder: Doesn't anyone know? We hate the French! We fight wars against them! Did all those men die in vain on the field of Agincourt? Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc simply wasting good matches?
Baldrick: But then I'll go to hell for ever for stealing!
Blackadder: Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil.
Queen Elizabeth: And me, did you miss me, Edmund?
Blackadder: Madam, life without you was like a broken pencil.
Queen Elizabeth: Explain?
Blackadder: Pointless.
[Melchett offers an idea to relieve his and Blackadder's boredom.]
Lord Melchett: Well, perhaps some pleasant word game?
Blackadder: Yes, all right. Make a sentence out of the following words: face, sodding, your, shut.
Answer: The closest we ever get to knowing his first name is in series 3, when he claims it's "Sod Off". Blackadder asks him in series 3 where this came from, and he replies "Well, when I was a kid, living in the gutter, I'd go up to the other kids and say 'Hello, I'm Baldrick'. And they'd say, 'Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick.'" The S in this series is likely a reference to that, but it's not addressed, and given this Baldrick is clearly different from the series 3 Baldrick, we can't draw a direct link.
Shay