Rufus: In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.
Jay: She's fucking pissed, dude. She'll never fuck us now. Well, maybe you, but definitely not me. Let me know how she is.
Bethany Sloane: NOBODY IS FUCKING ME! YOU GOT THAT?!
Serendipity: I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.
Jay: I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?
Metatron: Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.