Mitch Planko: This is a calendar. It has a schedule of everything you need to do everyday. It is at least 15 hours in a day. This is a grocery store. People buy food here. If you are unsure, call your wife. Always make sure you call your wife first.
Lord Redbrick: I'm not illiterate! My parents were married!
Julian Goldstein: What are you afraid of?
Marley Corbett: I'm scared this entire night's gonna go by and you'll never wanna kiss me.
Thadeous: I shouldn't even be here! I will probably die on this quest, and Courtney definitely will!
E.B.: Hey, wait. You're not surprised I'm a talking rabbit.
David Hasselhoff: Little man, my best friend is a talking car.
Becca: You smell like pine needles, and have a face like sunshine!
Jesse Richter: When I'm about to kiss you, you'll know it.
Gil: I'm having trouble because I'm a Hollywood hack who never gave real literature a shot.
Mr. Popper: Hello! I have to send the penguins back.
Voice On Phone: Send-da-penguin?
Mr. Popper: Yes, send penguins.
Judy Moody: Can't, I'm busy on Tuesdays... from now, until always.
Gary Sadelstein: What are you gonna wear Daddy... in hell?
Neil Patrick Harris: Look, don't be alarmed... but I'm gonna squirt some lotion on your back in about... 35 seconds.
George Valentin: With pleasure.
Tina: But I got your back now Noah, because I found out you got some big ass balls, man.
Noah Griffith: Can't buy underwear, balls don't fit.
Michael Longstreet: You're so wonderful. You're the best and the brightest.
Matt Freehauf: Guys like me are born loving women like you.
Ross Rhea: So Huntsie I was wondering. How long does it take you to get your hair like that?
Huntington: About four hours.
Ross Rhea: It's nice. Somebody thinks you look like Stevie Wonder on steroids, but I like it.
Huntington: Fuck you.
Ross Rhea: Ooh! Look at that face pussy that rookie gave you. Come on.
Dr. Alfred Jones: When things get tricky in my life, I talk to my fish.