Joe: The Martians have landed. They want our women.
Lee Woods: You have one minute to decide the rest of your life.
Tally: When I asked you how long you could stay and you said, 'Long enough, ' how long is that? When we're not together.
Warren: ...Everything shuts down.
Carol: I wish I could be gay again.
Jimmy Flaherty: Prison won't be so bad. I can became a born-again Christian. And that'll be good. Because nobody wants a born-again Christian as their bitch.
Russell Kramer: When this is over, promise me we'll come back and look for my balls.
Uncle Porter: You're going to have to use your brain which is going to hurt because it's the weakest muscle in your body.
Larry Flynt: I oughta move somewhere, where perverts are welcome.
Mel Feynman: Richie, how old are you?
Young Richard: Six.
Mel Feynman: Well, act your age.
Andy: Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, hey ladies?
Vera: Aye, but we can do without the drugs and rock 'n' roll.
Teacher: All you need to say is two words... two specific words, though. What they are? 'Not. Guilty.'.
Alain Moreau: This is not your lucky day. Tell your boss to leave me the fuck alone.
Itchy: I'm so hungry, I could eat a shoe.
Agent Paul: You do know it is a federal offense to destroy a United States Post Office?
Paul: What kind of future can she have with this guy, he cuts meat.
Tommy: You plow snow.
Kev: Hey, at least meat you can eat.
Perry: Mr. Koontz, I don't think you understand me. Let me clear: I'm accustomed to getting what I want. I want that bear.
Garrett Lawton: I make it a point to know a little bit about everything.
Franklin: Boy you're touchy.
Travis: He's got hemorrhoids, Franklin.
Franklin: You got 'roids?
Nagiko: I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable: the delights of the flesh and the delights of literature. I have had the good fortune to enjoy them both equally.
Grigori Rasputin: The sea brings comfort, and the waves they talk. The sunshines on the water as it gently rises. You can see the face of God when you look at the sun. Your soul forgets everything as you wake from the dreams of life's worries. For the joy lifts your heart, and your soul sees the wisdom of life, and beauty. Indescribable beauty. Is the pain gone?
Alexei: Yes.