Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Junior: Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Bob the Turk: I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it because they didn't do something someone told them to do.
Gus Cardinale: Don't worry Bob, I would never do something to make someone do something to someone, because that someone didn't do something that someone wanted them to do.
Bob the Turk: I'm glad we understand each other.
Gus Cardinale: ...Me too.
Colonel Scot McCoy: My turn to teach.
David Ackerman: You fucking lied to Garcia.
Nick Pulovski: I didn't lie to him. I just didn't tell him the truth.
Red Skull: Assassination isn't worth the trouble. It took me two years to find Sirhan. Three to find Oswald. The King job alone cost me over twenty million dollars. What do we get for our pains? Saints. Martyrs to the cause.
Justin: Don't you ever run away from me.
Cody: I'm going in there to waste some teachers - are you with me?
Turkell: It must be visiting hours, 'cause my friend is back.
F-18 Pilot: Everything's shit duty today.
Napoleon Stone: You are dancing around with a cheeseburger.
Brad Little: Mr. Preston, this operation will be a failure if we all die.
Christian 'The Sandman' Naylor: Welcome to Hell.
Pilot: Lieutenant, you guys are incredible. Thank you.
Curran: There's no reason to thank us because we don't exist. You never saw us. This never happened.
Hawkins: One more thing: you're welcome.
Nicholas: This guy's lying - he's a train robber.
Caulfield: What would I want with a train?
Detective John Kimble: You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping.
Huey Walker: You know, Buckner, if it hadn't've been for you, I'd be in a warm cell right now.
John Buckner: Yeah, being beaten by a nice, warm, rubber hose.