Chris Lecce: Problem?
Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: We accidently summoned demons who used to rule the universe to come and take over the world.
Glen: Yeah, we found out about it from, uh, one of Terry's albums.
Bob Morales: Look it's Woody Woodpecker and Buzz Buzzard, Man they make cartoons here.
Lex Luthor: Lenny, I've always considered you the Dutch Elm disease in my family tree.
Duncan: We're gonna bring this party up to a nice respectable level. Don't worry, we're not gonna hurt anyone. We're not even gonna touch 'em. We're just gonna make 'em cry a little, just by lookin' at 'em.
Washburn: Oh man, if you can't fry it, I won't eat it.
Mrs. Biddle: This man out of absolutely nowhere, this man appeared. Heh! So charming. Not really handsome, but... riveting. Yes, that's the word. I was riveted. I was looking into his eyes, and I found myself thinking thoughts I hadn't entertained since World War II. I think I actually... blushed.
Patrick Morenski: Okay, on one end of the spectrum you've got homo, and on the other you've got hetero. Then there's me, way the fuck over here.
Elmo St. Peters: Now where did that radio go? I could have sworn I left it right here in this very spot. What did it do, just get up and walk away?
Ronald Miller: Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.
Mike: You see, in my trade, this is called - what you did - you cracked out of turn. Huh? You see? You crumbed the play.
Jerry Blake: Hodgkins, what's to get wrong?
Tom Granick: It's amazing who's here.
Jane Craig: Who?
Tom Granick: Me.
Maxton: I heard you resigned from the Scouts.
Jim: I've become an atheist.
Jane: He's a friend of mine from school.
Jeff: A FRIEND?
Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.
Sgt. Gustav Wagner: This morning, two prisoners escaped from North Camp. Thirteen other prisoners, no doubt inspired by their idiotic example, also tried to escape. If any of you would like to cheer, go right ahead. There will be no more escape attempts in this camp. I'll repeat that. there will be no more escape attempts in this camp.
Cathy: Christopher, what is it?
Chris: A copy of Grandfather's will. It's 2 months old. It says if it was ever proven Mom had children from her first marriage, even after he's dead, she'd be disinherited.
Cathy: Mother's known all this time that we could never be found.
Chris: She never meant for us to leave that attic.
Chris Hammond: How can she stand to be so close to her own body without constantly feeling herself up?