Shirley Renfrew Partridge: ...I appreciate your volunteering to take the kids to the beach, but it just doesn't sound like you.
Keith: I've been thinking: since I'm the eldest male, I have a lot of influence on them. Besides, I'm old enough to accept my responsibilities and give them the kind of leadership they need.
Reuben Kincaid: Keith, have you been talking to a Marine recruiter?
Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Tracy, it's your turn to say grace.
Tracy Partridge: Dear Lord, thank you for our food, and please get Keith a date.
Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Danny, when will Keith be able to pay back the money he owes us?
Danny: If I have it my way, he'll be able to pay in about a year.
Keith: A year.
Danny: If Keith has it his way, we'll have to wait for the reading of his will.
Christopher "Chris" Partridge #2: ...Here's my compass. It doesn't work, though. It always points in the same direction.
Danny: I've been a kid, and I've been an adult. And believe me, adultery isn't what it's cracked up to be.
Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Whatever gave you the idea you could operate your own Lonely Hearts Club?
Danny: I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. What you said is, "Reuben needs a wife."
Reuben Kincaid: I need a what?
Tracy Partridge: I told them to get you a goldfish, but they wouldn't listen.
Danny: I need help.
Keith: We know that. But Mom won't let us have you committed.
Reuben Kincaid: ...Good day.
Danny: It was until now.
Danny: It's not normal for kids to be quiet. I might end up maladjusted.
Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Well, kids, how do you like performing in an amusement park?
Danny: Great! But it would be perfect if cotton candy was deductible.
Danny: You can't blame me. I'm just a kid.
Reuben Kincaid: No, you're not. You're a midget in a kid suit.
Danny: I guess every family has to have a black sheep. I always thought ours was Keith.
Shirley Renfrew Partridge: There's no sense in waiting up. Laurie's in good hands.
Danny: That's what I'm afraid of.
Keith: ...I wouldn't worry about him. He's an archaeologist. He can always dig up a girl.
Laurie Partridge: ...I have got the greatest news.
Keith: You're taking your own apartment?
Laurie Partridge: Keith, don't you ever knock before coming into a person's room?
Keith: You're not a person, you're my sister.
Danny: ...Keith, that's the meanest, rottenest and dirtiest trick anyone can play on his sister. No wonder you're my idol.
Reuben Kincaid: What do eleven-year-olds do on a date?
Keith: I don't know. They can't neck, Danny doesn't have one.
Reuben Kincaid: Wish I'd said that.
Keith: Mmmm. Glad I did.
Laurie Partridge: ...You know, there's one good thing about being paranoid: You're always the center of attention.
Reuben Kincaid: ...You can read about it when I write my memoirs, "The Thrilling Adventures of Reuben Kincaid".
Laurie Partridge: It'll be a thin book.
Laurie Partridge: Every daughter wants her mother to marry a doctor.
