Weeds
Movie Quote Quiz

Andy Botwin: Hey, Lupita, settle an argument for us, what do you call the thing between the dick and the asshole?
Lupita: The coffee table.

Nancy Botwin: Andy, today it was brought to my attention that the downside to this business is death, so right now I'm not thinking about "the bakery" I'm thinking about enrolling in dental hygiene school so my children aren't orphans.
Andy Botwin: If anything happens to you, I will raise Silas and Shane as my own.
Nancy Botwin: Ok, now I pledge never to die.

Nancy Botwin: People got stoned for The Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing.
Josh Wilson: It's not as disturbing as seeing it not stoned. Religion my ass, it's a straight-up snuff film.

Shane Botwin: You can't miss the bear.

Celia Hodes: Let your freak flag fly.

Nancy Botwin: You've made your bed, now fuck in it.

Nancy Botwin: You promised me no kids.
Josh Wilson: Yeah, but they all want it, and they cry if you say no.

Andy Botwin: Hey, Pants.
Nancy Botwin: Please tell me I didn't just hear that you had cyber sex with a fifteen-year-old deaf girl.

Doug Wilson: How do you ask the woman that makes your kids' lunches to suck your balls and spread her ass open like a geometry compass? How, Andy?

Nancy Botwin: Obviously menopause has effected your sense of smell.
Lupita: I don't smell with my coochie.

Celia Hodes: Is it true what they say? That once a white woman's been with a carpenter she never goes back?
Conrad Shepard: Baby, once I nail something, it stays nailed.

The Candyman: Heylia's a lazy fat-fat and I'm hoping to put her in a diabetic coma, so I have no problem selling to her.

Tennis Pro: I'm sorry.
Celia Hodes: You're a big whore.

Quinn: Can we have sex in your house?

Doug Wilson: It's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam only you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and shit.

Nancy Botwin: I don't give a flying fuck if you do have cancer, put your tits away in front of my kid.

Nancy Botwin: I can't believe I trust you with my drug money. You're an idiot.
Doug Wilson: I'm an idiot savant.

Shane Botwin: I think pink's really your color, you fuckwad.

Quinn: Ok, we are breaking up.
Silas Botwin: Come on, think of all the time this will save us on foreplay, just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," I'll be good to go.
Quinn: I could whisper, "Linoleum" and you'd be good to go.

Nancy Botwin: Hey, that bag looks a little small.
Conrad Shepard: You never question Heylia's eyeballing. That's the rainman of weed right there.

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