Nancy Botwin: Andy, today it was brought to my attention that the downside to this business is death, so right now I'm not thinking about "the bakery" I'm thinking about enrolling in dental hygiene school so my children aren't orphans.
Andy Botwin: If anything happens to you, I will raise Silas and Shane as my own.
Nancy Botwin: Ok, now I pledge never to die.
Nancy Botwin: People got stoned for The Passion of the Christ? That's disturbing.
Josh Wilson: It's not as disturbing as seeing it not stoned. Religion my ass, it's a straight-up snuff film.
Nancy Botwin: You promised me no kids.
Josh Wilson: Yeah, but they all want it, and they cry if you say no.
Andy Botwin: Hey, Pants.
Nancy Botwin: Please tell me I didn't just hear that you had cyber sex with a fifteen-year-old deaf girl.
Doug Wilson: How do you ask the woman that makes your kids' lunches to suck your balls and spread her ass open like a geometry compass? How, Andy?
Nancy Botwin: Obviously menopause has effected your sense of smell.
Lupita: I don't smell with my coochie.
Doug Wilson: It's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam only you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and shit.
Nancy Botwin: I don't give a flying fuck if you do have cancer, put your tits away in front of my kid.
Quinn: Ok, we are breaking up.
Silas Botwin: Come on, think of all the time this will save us on foreplay, just whisper, "Shoot me in the optimum kill zone," I'll be good to go.
Quinn: I could whisper, "Linoleum" and you'd be good to go.
Nancy Botwin: Hey, that bag looks a little small.
Conrad Shepard: You never question Heylia's eyeballing. That's the rainman of weed right there.