House, M.D.
Movie Quote Quiz

Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!

Pilot - S1-E1

House: [to Cameron.] I hired you because you look good. It's like having a nice piece of art in the lobby.

Season 1 generally

Dr. Foreman: Oh, Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours.
Dr. Cameron: What's up?
Dr. Foreman: When you break into a house, its always better to have a white chick with you.

Occam's Razor - S1-E3

House: Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interests of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chit-chat later, I'm Dr. Gregory House. You can call me Greg. I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Dr. Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
House: This ray of sunshine is Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Dr. Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board-certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I'm also the only doctor currently employed at this clinic who's forced to be here against his will. That is true, isn't it? But not to worry, because for most of you this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying you may see me reach for this. It's Vicodin - it's mine, you can't have any. And no, I do not have a pain-management problem, I have a pain problem. But who knows - maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me? [Everyone stares.] And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys? [Everyone raises their hands.] Well, I'll be in Exam Room 1 if you change your mind.

Kids - S1-E19

Dr. Wilson: My advice is much more subtle – stop being an ass. You always find some tiny little flaw to push people away.
House: Now it's people? I thought we were talking about fellowship applicants.
Dr. Wilson: You have a history of this.
House: Well, when I do decide to push you away, I hope's there's a small person kneeling behind you so you fall down and hurt your head.

Three Stories - S1-E21

House: I'll do the lecture for four hours off clinic.
Dr. Cuddy: Two. I know you'd rather spend a couple of hours listening to yourself than listening to patients.

Paternity - S1-E2

House: Another reason I don't like meeting patients. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you.

Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7

House: You told me you hadn't changed your diet or exercise. Were you lying?
Samantha: Lying?
House: Does your husband have high blood pressure?
Samantha: My husband?
House: Yeah, see, if you're going to repeat everything I say, this conversation's going to take twice as long.

Fidelity (aka: Truth or Consequences) - S1-E7

Dr. Foreman: Why are you riding on me?
House: It's what I do. Has it gotten worse lately?
Dr. Foreman: Yeah. Seems to me.
House: Really? Well, that rules out the race thing. You were just as black last week.

DNR - S1-E9

Dr. Wilson: [To House.] Some doctors have the messiah complex – they need to save the world. You have a Rubik's complex – you need to solve the puzzle.

Histories - S1-E10

House: And what is the treatment for advanced ovarian cancer?
Dr. Foreman: Pine box.

Histories - S1-E10

Dr. Wilson: You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
House: I don't need to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.

Sports Medicine - S1-E12

House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh?
House: What? Are you saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Who?
House: Kevin. In Bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well first of all, his name is Carl.
House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.

Heavy - S1-E16

House: I'm thinking I can convince Vogler it'll be more cost-efficient to keep all of them.
Dr. Wilson: You should be able to pull that off. Most billionaires aren't very good with numbers.
House: It will be more cost-efficient once I grab Cameron's ass, call Forman a spade, and Chase...well, I'll grab his ass too.

Occam's Razor - S1-E3

Dr. Cuddy: [to House.] It's not going to work. You know why? Because this is fun. You think of something to make me miserable, I think of something to make you miserable. It's a game, and I'm going to win. Because I got a headstart - you're already miserable.

Three Stories - S1-E21

Dr. House: Tell a surgeon it's okay to cut a leg off, he's gonna spend the night polishing his good hacksaw.

Friso94

Damned If You Do - S1-E5

House: You know how it is with nuns - take out their IUDs and they bounce right back.

Poison - S1-E8

House: I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell"?
Dr. Chase: I'm Australian.
House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.

Poison - S1-E8

Dr. Cuddy: [to House.] Her only sign of mental illness is she disagrees with you. Some would consider that a sign of sanity.

DNR - S1-E9

Dr. Cuddy: When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they're done... Trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane. So when I hired you I also set aside $50,000 a year for legal expenses. So far you've come in under budget.

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More for House, M.D.

Mistakes

House is playing 'Metroid: Zero Mission' on his Gameboy at various times. The Metroid series does not feature space monkeys, nor are there distinct levels. The sounds coming from the game in the show do not match it in real life, and Samus morphing into a ball is most definitely not a failure state.

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Trivia

Hugh Laurie auditioned for the role as Dr. Gregory House in his hotel room bathroom in Namibia. He was rehearsing his role for the film The Flight of the Phoenix and claimed that the bathroom was the only place with enough light. He also apologized for his appearance on tape before the audition as he'd just come back from filming. The fact that House has a somewhat scruffy and unkempt look, particularly his constant five o'clock shadow, has been attributed by creator David Shore to Laurie's appearance in this audition tape.

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