Macy: Nobody knows what kind of parent they'd make until it's too late to back out.
Woody: The nun had a baby? How could that be?
Jordan: She's a woman first, nun second.
Det. Cruz: Should I take this to Macy?
Jordan: You can take this to the Pope for all I care.
Jordan: Traffic control command center has cameras all over the city, right?
Detective Carver: Most of the sections, yeah.
Jordan: I know 'cause I keep getting sent pictures of myself running red lights.
Macy: Well... three dead people, three different guns, three fatal bullet wounds. A shoots B, B shoots C, C shoots A.
Jordan: Commutative Property of Murder.
Reporter: The way I see it you and I are on the same team here. The only difference is you're looking for a cause of death and I'm looking for a by-line.
Jordan: You keep following me you'll be looking for a hospital.
Dr. Trey Sanders: How do you know all this, Nigel?
Dr. Nigel Townsend: Insomnia and the History Channel. It's a lethal combination.
Det. Winslow: You looked good holding that baby, maybe you should think about popping one out.
Jordan: Yeah, or maybe I should pop my foot up your ass.
Bug: You take it! I've got a date with a drug addict... Autopsy 4.
Dr. Peter Winslow: She doesn't want me... She wants you.
Bug: What? Someone... wants me?
Dr. Nigel Townsend: Jordan, you should know that last night will never happen again.
Jordan: Oh God, what are we talking about here?
Dr. Nigel Townsend: My new image in the workplace. No more Nigel-the-computer-jockey. Okay, I was swept up in the moment, but now it's truly done.
Bug: She saw my name on the directory and a big sign on my forehead that said dumbass.
Macy: Dead men do tell tales, I guess.
Jordan: The moon's in uranus.
Woody: Excuse me.
Jordan: Look... You guys get along. I need you to talk to him.
Woody: He pulled a gun on me.
Jordan: That's bonding for him. He feels comfortable with you.
Woody: He said he was going to shoot me.
Jordan: You see... You guys are closer than I thought.
Jordan: Whenever I start to get close to someone this little voice starts screaming in my head. Run, fast. Crazy. Messed up. Cuckoo. I wish I could promise you it won't happen again, but it probably will.
Woody: What do we got?
Garrett: Well, since they called for a medical examiner and homicide detective, my guess is a body.
Woody: Is sarcasm a prerequisite for being an ME?
Garrett: It helps.
Jordan: Garret, have you gotten any recently?
Macy: Pardon me?
Jordan: You heard me. How long has it been?
Macy: We are not having this conversation.
Jordan: He's lucky I didn't kick him in the nuts. What? It wouldn't be the first time.
Devan Maguire: You know, I've been trying to shake the whole cheerleader image for years. Is it really that bad?
Dr. Nigel Townsend: Keep trying, luv.
Jordan: I had this guy's brain in my hand, so I couldn't very well punch him, right?
