Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't expect your mother to be gracious. She doesn't do imitations.
Samantha: Gladys, what are you doing?
Gladys Kravitz: I came over for a snoop, uh, a scoop of sugar. I hope I'm not disturbing you.
Samantha: I'm not a bad witch! I'm a good witch.
Darrin Stephens: Her mother's a bad witch.
Samantha: Then I thought of the most brilliant scientific mind of the age.
Dr. Bombay: Thank you.
Samantha: But he died a year ago, so I decided to call you.
Samantha: Try to control your temper. Remember, "Peace on earth, goodwill to men" includes witches.
Samantha: Darling, I've been trying for weeks to give this house a thorough cleaning. These carpets are filthy.
Darrin Stephens: How can you worry about dirt on the rugs when we're about to see the surface of the moon?
Samantha: The moon could use a vacuuming too. All that dust... yych.
Samantha: Now when it comes to Santa Claus, most mortals don't believe he exists... just like they don't believe in witches.