Quotes from Gene Wilder movies and TV shows

Jenny Hill: I'm not proud of what I did.
Sigerson Holmes: You've just told me a magnificent success story! Overlooking the fact that you're a liar, a thief, a traitor, and a whore, I don't see what should be bothering you.

Jenny Hill: I don't wish to talk about it.
Sigerson Holmes: The problem won't go away because you don't wish to t.
Jenny Hill: I don't wish to talk about it.
Orville: You're making a tragic mistake, love.
Jenny Hill: I've made a tragic mistake. More tragic than you can possibly imagine. And unless I am very careful... I am going to die for it.

Sigerson Holmes: What did the letter say Mrs.Hill?
Jenny Hill: IT said I wanted to touch HIS winkle.
Sigerson Holmes: Ohh.
Orville: His what?
Sigerson Holmes: Never mind, I'll explain later.

Sigerson Holmes: You call this tea?
Orville: No, I call that hot water.

Sigerson Holmes: The clue obviously lies in the word "cheddar." Let's see now. Seven letters. Rearranged, they come to, let me see: "Rachedd." "Dechdar." "Drechad." "Chaderd" - hello, chaderd! Unless I'm very much mistaken, chaderd is the Egyptian word meaning "to eat fat." Now we're getting somewhere.

Orville: Are you Mister S., for Sigerson, Holmes?
Sigerson Holmes: Perhaps.
Orville: Do you have a brother whose first name is Sherlock?
Sigerson Holmes: I do not.
Orville: You do have a brother?
Sigerson Holmes: I do.
Orville: Might I inquire as to his first name?
Sigerson Holmes: "Sheer luck."

More The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother quotes

Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... And there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

[To two members of the KKK, while pretending to capture Bart.]
Jim: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh.
Bart: Hey, where the white women at?

Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... Play chess... Screw...
Bart: [quickly.] Let's play chess.

Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE.
Jim: [eagerly.] When?

Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... Morons.

Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we... Black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake... But we're very puzzled.

More Blazing Saddles quotes

Avram: ...In that case, would you like to fight for that last fish?
Tommy: You think you got a chance?
Avram: I think I can say with complete confidence... none, whatsoever. But I'm still hungry.
Tommy: Help yourself.

Tommy: You sure talk funny. Where you born at?
Avram: Poland.
Tommy: Oh. Is that near Pittsburgh?
Avram: No, that's near Czechoslovakia.

More The Frisco Kid quotes

Skip Donahue: We tried to teach him charades! He didn't get it! He just didn't get it.

Skip Donahue: What are you doing?
Harry Monroe: I'm gettin bad. You better get bad, Jack cause if you ain't bad you're gonna get fucked.

Skip Donahue: This filthy, roach-ridden reality is inspiring... what did that second policeman say to you when he grabbed you by the throat?
Harry Monroe: Man, I don't fucking believe you.
Skip Donahue: "Man, I don't fucking believe you!" Fabulous.
Harry Monroe: You don't get it do you, Skip. You think this is The Count Of Monte Cristo or something. We're in deep trouble. This is the real deal. We're in deep shit.

More Stir Crazy quotes

Willy Wonka: Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

Willy Wonka: No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life there are no words.

Mr. Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun house?
Willy Wonka: Why? Having fun?

More Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory quotes

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