Quotes from Gene Wilder movies and TV shows

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Below are some quotes involving Gene Wilder - click the title to view the complete list. If you think their finest moments are missing from the full list, please submit them.

Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... And there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

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Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: I don't know... Play chess... Screw...
Bart: [quickly.] Let's play chess.

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[To two members of the KKK, while pretending to capture Bart.]
Jim: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh.
Bart: Hey, where the white women at?

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Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE.
Jim: [eagerly.] When?

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Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we... Black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake... But we're very puzzled.

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Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... Morons.

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Willy Wonka: Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

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Willy Wonka: No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life there are no words.

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Willy Wonka: Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
Mrs. Teevee: That's 105 percent.

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Willy Wonka: A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

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Willy Wonka: So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

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Willy Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
Charlie Bucket: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!
Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.

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Mr. Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun house?
Willy Wonka: Why? Having fun?

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[Augustus has fallen into the chocolate river.]
Mrs. Gloop: Do something!
Willy Wonka: Help. Police. Murder.

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Willy Wonka: I don't understand it. The children are disappearing like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall we press on?

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Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?
Willy Wonka: Well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they?

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Willy Wonka: The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?

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Willy Wonka: The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last.

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Augustus Gloop: Let me in, I'm starving!
Willy Wonka: Now, don't get excited. Don't lose your head, Augustus. We don't want anybody to lose that.

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Mrs. Teevee: I assume there's an accident indemnity clause.
Willy Wonka: Never between friends.

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