Quotes from Steve Guttenberg movies and TV shows

Denise Dahlberg: Phones working?
Stephen Klein: Are you kidding? There aren't going to be any phones.

Edward 'Eddie' Simmons: When you're making out, which do you prefer, Sinatra or Mathis?
Robert 'Boogie' Sheftell: I like Presley.

Roger Callaway: Clarice! Your hair? You're here!

Roger Callaway: I don't know what's more bruised, my butt or my ego.

Diane Barrows: I'm sorry I spoiled the party, I just didn't want the wrong girl going down the aisle. I mean the wrong flower girl.
Roger Callaway: I think you had it right the first time.

Carey Mahoney: What are you in for?
Larvell Jones: I'll show you. [holds a microphone to his mouth and imitates gun fire causing everyone to drop to the floor.]
Desk Officer: GOD DAMN IT, STOP THAT.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: Mahoney! I already told you once. Nobody screws with me.
Cadet Carey Mahoney: Well, maybe you'll meet the right girl and all of that'll change.

Lieutenant Thaddeus Harris: You make me sick.
Carey Mahoney: Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick.

Carey Mahoney: You didn't hit the brakes.
Moses Hightower: You didn't tell me to.

Moses Hightower: I was a florist.
Carey Mahoney: A florist?
Moses Hightower: Yeah, you know, flowers and shit.

Lt. Mauser: At this point in time, yours truly was the object of a malicious prank. Now, can anybody in here tell me how this happened? [holds up his hands to show his palms covered in hair.].
Officer Mahoney: I can, sir. And if you don't stop that, you could go blind.

Lt. Mauser: Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine.
Mahoney: You wanted to see me, sir?
Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you how to knock?
Mahoney: It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but I'm straight.

Cadet Karen Adams: You see this ear, Mahoney? It's a finely tuned crap detector.
Sgt. Carey Mahoney: Oh, and what a lovely ear it is. If I blow in it, will you follow me anywhere?

Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry: You want to become one with the gun. Feel the gun, caress the gun until it's a living, breathing, vibrating extension of yourself.
Mahoney: I look for the same in a woman.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?
Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.
Lt. Debbie Callahan: Separate locker rooms, sir.
Mahoney: Icky blue uniforms.

Michael Kellam: How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?
Peter: Beats the shit out of me.