Lt. Mauser: At this point in time, yours truly was the object of a malicious prank. Now, can anybody in here tell me how this happened? [holds up his hands to show his palms covered in hair.].
Officer Mahoney: I can, sir. And if you don't stop that, you could go blind.
Lt. Mauser: You're not playing with a full deck, are you?
Sergeant Proctor: Oh, I don't play cards.
Chief Hurst: Mauser, you're the most incredible ass-kisser I have ever seen.
Lt. Mauser: Thank you very much, sir. I do my best.
Lt. Mauser: Any day now, Mahoney, and your little ass is mine.
Mahoney: You wanted to see me, sir?
Lt. Mauser: Mahoney, didn't your mother teach you how to knock?
Mahoney: It depends. Sir? I hope this isn't going to be too personal? I heard what you said about my little butt and I don't know how to break this to you, sir, but I'm straight.
Lt. Ernie Mauser: So, these academy rats are going to save the precinct, right?
Sgt. Carl Proctor: Personally, Lieutenant, I think they'll fall flat on their asses!
Lt. Ernie Mauser: That could be arranged, you know.
Sgt. Carl Proctor: What do you mean?
Lt. Ernie Mauser: If they fail, Lassard's out. That makes me the captain. If I'm captain, I'm going to need a new watch commander.
Sgt. Carl Proctor: So?
Lt. Ernie Mauser: So, you make sure they fail.
Sgt. Carl Proctor: Who?
Lt. Ernie Mauser: The new recruits.
Sgt. Carl Proctor: Why?
Lt. Ernie Mauser: If they fail, Lassard is out, I'm in. I'm going to need somebody to be the new watch commander. And you know who that's going to be.
Sgt. Carl Proctor: Who?
Lt. Ernie Mauser: You, dickhead! You!
Sergeant Proctor: Hightower!
Officer Moses Hightower: Yo!
Lt. Mauser: Yo?
Officer Moses Hightower: Yo, sir!
Lt. Mauser: Yo, sir... You must be from the south! That's "Yes, sir." You got foot patrol.
