Quotes from John C. Reilly movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Dusty: Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?
Lefty: No. Who do they think did it?
Dusty: Well, they don't know, but they're on the look out for hardened criminals.

Lefty: What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?
Dusty: I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?
Lefty: A religious movement.

Lefty: Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?
Dusty: No, I didn't.
Lefty: Yeah, it runs in your genes.

Ralph: Shouldn't it be, "Ralph Wrecks the Internet"?
Vanellope: Yes, since he is Wreck-It Ralph?
Yesss: Uh, yeah, but "break the internet", it's like a thing.
Ralph: Right, it's just "Wreck the Internet" kinda sounds better, doesn't it?
Yesss: You're not wrong.

Vanellope: We are going to the internet.
Ralph: Super exciting! Just one minor thing: what is an "internet"?

Oliver Hardy: You're not leaving, are you, Stan? The show must go on.

Oliver Hardy: I'll miss us when we're gone.
Stan Laurel: So will you.

Dale Doback: Oprah, Barbra Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one, go!

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Dale Doback: The clown has no penis!

Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes "Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.
Dr. Robert Doback: Shut the fuck up!

Brennan Huff: I tea-bagged your drum set!
Dale Doback: Well my drum set's a guy, so that makes you gay!

Brennan: Favorite prehistoric dinosaur?
Brennan and Dale: Velociraptor!
Dale: Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to?
Brennan and Dale: Good Housekeeping!
Brennan: Who is one man that you would sleep with if you were a girl?
Brennan and Dale: John Stamos!
Dale: Oh my gosh.
Brennan: Did we just become best friends?
Dale: Yup.
Brennan: Wanna go do karate in the garage?
Dale: Yup.

Dale Doback: My dad and I decided that Nancy's kind of hot, so maybe we should just both bang her and in the meantime deal with the re**rd.
Brennan Huff: Who's the re**rd?
Dale Doback: You.
Brennan Huff: Hey y'all don't say that!

Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.

Dr. Robert Doback: We're putting the house on the market.
Dale Doback: Where are we moving?
Brennan Huff: Is the house haunted?

[Waking up from dreams on top of each other.]
Dale Doback: Oh no, I'm late for school.
Brennan Huff: I'll kiss you on the lips Kenny Rodgers.

Cal Naughton Jr.: Shake and bake!
Ricky Bobby: Shake and bake!

Dewey Cox: Edith, I am starting to think... that maybe you don't believe in me.
Edith: I do believe in you. I just know you're gonna fail.

Dewey Cox: And that's when I learned that Quaaludes and waterskiing do not mix.