Quotes from John C. Reilly movies and TV shows

Noah Dietrich: Get a doctor! No one sees him like this.

Noah Dietrich: Nice day.
Howard Hughes: Yeah, very funny.
Noah Dietrich: Listen, I got a call from Houston. They're getting real nervous about all this.
Howard Hughes: Stop showing them the damn bills, Noah.
Noah Dietrich: That would be illegal, Howard.
Howard Hughes: Shit, no. Maybe it's a little bit naughty.

Howard Hughes: Do you know those men? Do they work for me?
Noah Dietrich: Everybody works for you, Howard.

Michael Longstreet: You're so wonderful. You're the best and the brightest.

Michael Longstreet: What happened to your sense of humor?
Penelope Longstreet: I don't have a sense of humor and I don't want one.

Dean Ziegler: There's a separation between religion and insurance. It's in the constitution.

Dean Ziegler: Classic Wilkes! Almost not a joke.

Tim Lippe: Do you have root beer?
Dean Ziegler: You wanna nipple on that?

Larten Crepsley: Life may be meaningless, but death I still have hope for.

Madame Truska: Why can't you just get a cell phone?
Larten Crepsley: Because vampires don't need cellphones.

John: Been in kind of a dark, existential place, to tell you the truth and then... I met your mom.

John: What are you doing here in the forest with Shrek.
Molly: I was gonna pee in the bushes, and you took my spot.

Gus Sinski: The boys are all here for ya, we'll back you up, we'll be there, cause, Billy, we don't stink right now. We're the best team in baseball, right now, right this minute, because of you. You're the reason. We're not gonna screw that up, we're gonna be awesome for you right now. Just throw.

Billy Chapel: I don't know if I have anything left.
Gus Sinski: You just throw whatever you got, whatever's left. The boys are all here for you. We're gonna be awesome for you right now.

Hank Marlow: Who's winning the war?
Captain James Conrad: Which one?
Hank Marlow: That makes sense, I guess.

Hank Marlow: Kong's a pretty good king. Keeps to himself, mostly. This is his home, we're just guests. But you don't go into someone's house and start dropping bombs, unless you're picking a fight.

Zach Orfman: We're going to go for a hike.
Geenie Slocum: Not a hot idea.
Maury Slocum: In broad daylight? Zach, are you nuts?
Geenie Slocum: Wait till nightfall.
Beth Slocum: Why?
Maury Slocum: Because, baby, it's safer.
Beth Slocum: At night? Who hikes at night?

Dale 'Murph' Murphy: So, I guess you're the big hero, huh?
David 'Sully' Sullivan: You would have done the same for me. Isn't that what I'm supposed to say?
Dale 'Murph' Murphy: You can say what you want, but... I'm sure glad you know how to swim.
David 'Sully' Sullivan: Well, that's real big of you, Murph.
Dale 'Murph' Murphy: It's all I can manage right now. I'll work on it. All right?

Dusty: Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Lefty: What'd he say?
Dusty: It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

Lefty: The blind man's seeing eye dog pissed on the blind man's shoe. The blind man said "Here Rover, here's a piece of beef for you." His wife said "Don't reward him, you can't just let that pass." The blind man said "I gotta find his mouth so I can kick him in the ass."