Pa Cox: Oh my goodness! I halved myself!
Dewy Cox: Pa! No, Pa!
Pa Cox: Dewy, I guess I never realised until this moment just how easy it is to accidentally cut someone in half.
Dewy Cox: It is, right?
Pa Cox: I'm sorry for blaming you, Dewy. Of course you didn't mean to cut Nate in half, it's all so obvious now.
Dewy Cox: Pa!
Pa Cox: I should've been a better father to you, Dewy. I wish I spent more time playing catch with you and less time training my body and mind to kill you in a machete fight. You'll be a better father than I was, Dewy.
Dewy Cox: I'll try, Pa. It shouldn't be that hard.
Pa Cox: In case I don't make it.
Dewy Cox: Pa! You're going to make it, it's the 1970s! They got all kinds of new procedures, they can attach tops to bottoms now! Hang in there!
Pa Cox: You're not half the boy Nate was. You're not even half the boy that the top half of Nate was after you cut him in half.
Dewey - Age 8: So you're saying I'm less than a quarter of the boy Nate was?
Nate: Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad.
Pa Cox: The wrong kid died!
Dewey Cox: Goddamnit, this is a dark fucking period.
Press Conference Reporter: What do your parents think about your protest songs?
Dewey Cox: What do your parents think about my protest songs? Mr. "Time Magazine."
Elvis Presley: It's called Karate, man. Only two kinds of people know it, The Chinese and The King. And one of them is me.
Dewey Cox: And that's when I learned that Quaaludes and waterskiing do not mix.
Sam: You're gonna have to give him a moment, son. Dewey Cox has to think about his entire life before he plays.
Pa Cox: I'm sorry, Dewey. I just never realised until just this moment how easy it is to cut someone in half with a machete.
Dewey Cox: It is, right?
Ma Cox: I'm just so glad you learned to play the guitar so good... even without having a sense of smell.
Dewey Cox: It's okay mama, I learned how to play by ear.
Edith: It's illegal to be married to two people at the same time, Dewey.
Dewey Cox: What about if, if you're famous?
Edith: What about my dreams?
Dewey Cox: Edith, I told you, I can't build you a candy house! It will fall apart, the sun will melt the candy, it won't work.
Dewey Cox: I think I'm doing okay for a 15 year old with a wife and a baby.
Darlene: Let's go drop acid with The Beatles.
Country Doctor: This was a particularly bad case of somebody being cut in half.
Eddie Vedder: If Elvis and Buddy Holly are the Cain and Abel of rock and roll, Bruce Springsteen is Zachariah, Iggy Pop is Methuselah, and, of course, Neil Young is the wise prophet Ezekiel, then what does that make Dewey Cox?
