Deacon: Why do you taunt me with your darkness? Your evil is stinkin' up our streets! The end is near! We are all gonna die.
Regis Philbin: So, I was driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So, I followed him. When he got out of his car, I run up behind this guy and I start bashing his brains in with this bat! Did you ever see The Untouchables? I was DeNiro.
Nicky: Can I wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?
Mr. Beefy: Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but you gotta use a toilet.
Sylvia Lopez: The Mayor's office today, in conjunction with the New York Board of Tourism, unveiled its new motto to replace the long-standing "I Love New York" slogan. "I Love Hookers" will now be the city's catchphrase.
Mr. Beefy: You love acting, I love pissing.
Adrian: I hear a train a-comin'.
Valerie: Now why don't you give that nice man his flask back?
Street Vendor: And what you gonna do if I don't? Bite me with yo' ssssnaaggletooth?
Peter: Did you check out the dragon mouth?
John: The Dark Prince is here.
Chubbs: You mambo?
Nicky: No, I don't think so.
Chubbs: It's all in the hips, it's all in the hips, it's all in the hips.
Lucifer: Everything's fine? Who are you bullshitting? The last time you said everything's fine, the Renaissance happened.
Jenna: That guy is still the biggest horndog.
WNYH Reporter: What made you want to come and see the Globetrotters today, son?
Boy: I came for the beer and the bitches.
Peeper: Hi Diddley Dee, are those things for me?
Whitey the Referee: Guess what, cornrows? Technical foul! You're out of here.
Adrian: Grandpa Lucifer always said it was better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven. Well, I'm tired of serving in Hell.