Ed McDonnough: Give me that baby, you warthog from hell.
Leonard Smalls: You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.
H.I.: I"m in here on my knees, Ed, a free man proposing. Howdy, Kurt.
H.I.: Do you ever get the feeling that there's something... Powerful pressing down on you?
Glen: Yes, I know that feeling. I told Dot to lose some weight but she don't wanna listen.
Glen: Mind you don't cut yourself, Mordecai.
H.I.: There's what's right and there's what's right and never the twain shall meet.
Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.
H.I.: Prison life is structured - more'n some people care for.
Gale: Welcome Home Son...? Where's he been?
Gale: I know you're partial to convenient stores, but dammit, H.I., the sun doesn't rise and set on the corner grocery.
Machine Shop Ear-Bender: So we were doin' paramedical work in affiliation with the state highway system. Not actual practice, you understand. And me and Bill were patrolling down Nine Miles.
H.I.: Bill Roberts?
Machine Shop Ear-Bender: No, not that mother-scratcher. Bill Parker. Anyway, we're approaching the wreck, and there's this spherical object a restin' in the highway. And it's not a piece of the car.
Ed McDonnough: I love him so much.
H.I.: I know you do, honey.
Ed McDonnough: I love him so much.
H.I.: I know you do.
Ed McDonnough: You mean you busted out of jail.
Evelle: No, ma'am. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.
Gale: What Evelle here is trying to say is that we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.
H.I.: Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.
Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I ain't running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!"
Policeman: Well, do you think any of them could've done it?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Oh, don't make me laugh. Without my say-so they wouldn't piss with their pants on fire.
H.I.: Sometimes it's a hard world for small things.
Glen: That Buford's a sly one. Already knows his ABC's. Hit the deck, boy.
