Hayseed in the Pickup: Son, you got a panty on your head.
Dot: You gotta get 'em dip-tet boosters yearly or else they'll develop lockjaw and night vision.
Policeman in Arizona house: What did the pyjamas look like?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: I don't know - they were jammies! They had Yodas 'n' shit on 'em.
H.I.: What kind of name is Ed for a pretty thing like you?
Ed McDonnough: Short for Edwina. Turn to the right.
H.I.: You're a flower, you are. Just a little desert flower.
Gale: Well, H.I., looks like you've been up to the devil's business.
Prison Counsellor: Most men your age Hi, are getting married and raising up a family.
H.I.: Well factually, the.
Prison Counsellor: They wouldn't accept prison as a substitute. Would any of you men care to comment.
Gale: Well, sometimes your career's gotta come before family.
Evelle: Work's what's kept us happy.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a - hoppin'. Look, it is exactly 8:45 in the PM. I'll be down at that store in exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt. Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona.
Evelle: Do they blow up in funny shapes?
Grocer: Nope. Unless round's funny.
Evelle: Mighty fine cereal flakes, Mrs. McDonough.
Glen: Say, did you hear about the person of the Polish persuasion who walked into a bar with a big 'ol pile of shit in his hands and he says, "Look what I almost stepped in"?
Leonard Smalls: Name's Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny... only I ain't got no friends.
Gale: You understand, H.I.? If this works out, it's just the beginning of a spree to cover the entire southwest proper. And we keep going until we can retire. Or we get caught.
Evelle: Either way, we're fixed for life.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Dammit, are you boys gonna chase down your leads or are you gonna sit drinkin' coffee in the one house in the state where I know my boy ain't at?
Ed McDonnough: Give me that baby, you warthog from hell.
Leonard Smalls: You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.
H.I.: I"m in here on my knees, Ed, a free man proposing. Howdy, Kurt.
H.I.: Do you ever get the feeling that there's something... Powerful pressing down on you?
Glen: Yes, I know that feeling. I told Dot to lose some weight but she don't wanna listen.
Glen: Mind you don't cut yourself, Mordecai.
H.I.: There's what's right and there's what's right and never the twain shall meet.
Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.
