Evelle: I got me some baby grub, baby wipes, diapers, them disposable kind. I also got a package of balloons.
Gale: They blow up into funny shapes and all?
Evelle: No, just circular.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Eight hundred leaf-tables and no chairs? You can't sell leaf-tables and no chairs. Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick.
H.I.: I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he's a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.
Evelle: H.I., you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?
Dot: Rollie! You take that diaper off your head and you put it back on your sister.
H.I.: This here's the TV. Two hours a day, maximum, either... either educational or football, so's, y'know, you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming. Twenty-five thousand dollars. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too.
Hayseed in the Pickup: Son, you got a panty on your head.
Dot: You gotta get 'em dip-tet boosters yearly or else they'll develop lockjaw and night vision.
Policeman in Arizona house: What did the pyjamas look like?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: I don't know - they were jammies! They had Yodas 'n' shit on 'em.
H.I.: What kind of name is Ed for a pretty thing like you?
Ed McDonnough: Short for Edwina. Turn to the right.
H.I.: You're a flower, you are. Just a little desert flower.
Gale: Well, H.I., looks like you've been up to the devil's business.
Prison Counsellor: Most men your age Hi, are getting married and raising up a family.
H.I.: Well factually, the.
Prison Counsellor: They wouldn't accept prison as a substitute. Would any of you men care to comment.
Gale: Well, sometimes your career's gotta come before family.
Evelle: Work's what's kept us happy.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a - hoppin'. Look, it is exactly 8:45 in the PM. I'll be down at that store in exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt. Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona.
Evelle: Do they blow up in funny shapes?
Grocer: Nope. Unless round's funny.
Evelle: Mighty fine cereal flakes, Mrs. McDonough.
Glen: Say, did you hear about the person of the Polish persuasion who walked into a bar with a big 'ol pile of shit in his hands and he says, "Look what I almost stepped in"?
Leonard Smalls: Name's Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny... only I ain't got no friends.
Gale: You understand, H.I.? If this works out, it's just the beginning of a spree to cover the entire southwest proper. And we keep going until we can retire. Or we get caught.
Evelle: Either way, we're fixed for life.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Dammit, are you boys gonna chase down your leads or are you gonna sit drinkin' coffee in the one house in the state where I know my boy ain't at?
