Carol: Have you ever been involved with a little person sexually?
Steven Bedalia: No, just kid's stuff, you know? Y'know, all the kids would come over, we'd sit in a circle, play doctor and that kind of thing. Couldn't have been more than ten or twelve, so that doesn't really count.
Carol: So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would have loved to see that.
Steven Bedalia: You would like to see that.
Carol: Yes, I would.
Natalie: I thought shit like that only happened in the movies.
Katherine Watson: You can confirm to what other people expect of you, or.
Betty Warren: I know. Be ourselves.
Nick Callahan: If I could live this life again, I would never leave you for a second.
Evelyn: I think everyone should see themselves doing it and their friends should see it too.
Amanda: Jerry, don't be mad. Don't be mad. And don't be mad at Ron, he was just trying to help.
Jerry Falk: Of course he was. Ron? How could I be upset at Ron? In fact, remind me please to put him on my Christmas list if I can figure out how to make a letterbomb.
Jack Taylor: What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47?
Tom Stansfield: Oh... well, I was just making a joke.
Jack Taylor: Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets?
Tom Stansfield: I never make fun of midgets.
Jack Taylor: You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.
Brian: She's like the ones at the Baywatch. They make my penis sneeze.
Larry Gigli: You got a good sense of humor, you know that?
Brian: God bless you.
Larry Gigli: Thank you.
Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say, 'God bless you'... God bless you, penis.
Lorna Queen: Well... look at you Halley.
Halley: That's hard to do without a mirror isn't it?
Lorna Queen: Honey you keep getting prettier every day.
Halley: I have no idea how you could say that because you definitely don't see me every day. And yesterday, oh my God I was so ugly. And last Wednesday, that sucked too, so it's kind of a day to day thing.
Adam Shipley: He was wracked with confusion. For the first time in his life, he understood the true meaning of the expressions "horns of a dilemma" and "between a rock and a hard place" - although the concept of "paying through the nose" had always tormented him. How does the money get in the nose in the first place? Once in, is it pulled out by hand, or is a sneeze involved? And who would accept such a transaction? Burning questions all, but he had bigger fish to fry.
Alexa: I tried my hardest to keep y'all apart, you just kept gettin' back together... and I'm the queen of connivin'.
Cody Banks: What was my mission again?
Natalie Connors: I think you were going to kiss me.
Aunt Budge: I would kill for some diarrhea! I haven't had a bowel movement in 17 days.