Darrell: Eva's sisters gave her a cross with Jesus on it for her birthday, the next day Jesus was gone.
Molly Gunn: Excuse me, Thumbelina, but you're still a little underage to be clubbing, aren't you?
Ray: You're a little overage to be wearing a lampshade in your hair. Bright idea?
Detective Malloy: Some women give terrible blowjobs. No rhythm at all. No sense of cock whatsoever.
Le tueur: You drive a woman crazy. You little slut.
Matthew: I think you prefer when the world "together" means not "a million," but just two.
Henry Dashwood: I think I owe you a rather large apology.
Libby Reynolds: Do you think I've waited 17 years for an apology?
Lou: So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken. And I was like, you know 'Don't go there, ' you know. But he kept on about wanting to see some kind of a doctor's note or something. And I said 'Look, I'm seriously serious. You don't want to go there. He kept talking and talking and being such a nag, and I just blacked out. I blacked out. And I woke up, and I was standing over him and I was screaming "I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!"
Ernestine: People are just getting dumber, but more opinionated.
Ricki: She thinks I'm beautiful.
Larry Gigli: Yeah, well, she's blind in one eye.
Blake Gardner: Thou movie, which art on screen, hallowed be they name. The time has come. Thou will be shown in theaters as well as home. Give us this day our daily film and forgive our bad choices, as we forgive those whose movies were so bad to choose. And lead us not into television, but deliver us from that evil, for movies are the picture and the sound, and the greatest thing in the whole wide world, forever and ever. Movies Rule.
David Dobel: You think quantum physics has the answer? I mean, you know, what purpose does it serve for me that time and space are exactly the same thing? I mean I ask a guy what time it is, he tells me 6 miles? What the hell is that?
Lorna Queen: Well... look at you Halley.
Halley: That's hard to do without a mirror isn't it?
Lorna Queen: Honey you keep getting prettier every day.
Halley: I have no idea how you could say that because you definitely don't see me every day. And yesterday, oh my God I was so ugly. And last Wednesday, that sucked too, so it's kind of a day to day thing.
Connie Baker: Do you swear not to repeat what you see or smell here tonight?
Katherine Watson: Smell?
Connie Baker: Yes, smell. Hands up.
Jack Taylor: What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47?
Tom Stansfield: Oh... well, I was just making a joke.
Jack Taylor: Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets?
Tom Stansfield: I never make fun of midgets.
Jack Taylor: You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.
Carol: Have you ever been involved with a little person sexually?
Steven Bedalia: No, just kid's stuff, you know? Y'know, all the kids would come over, we'd sit in a circle, play doctor and that kind of thing. Couldn't have been more than ten or twelve, so that doesn't really count.
Carol: So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would have loved to see that.
Steven Bedalia: You would like to see that.
Carol: Yes, I would.
Vermeer: Look at me. Now, turn your head. Not your shoulders. Look at me. There. That's it.
Natalie: I thought shit like that only happened in the movies.
Professor Harold Hill: You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.
Roxy: You shouldn't accept expensive gifts from a man.
Isabel: Why?
Roxy: Because it puts you in a position of having to do what he wants.
Isabel: I'd do it anyway.