Spencer Barnes: I've worked hard to work this hard.
Brad Little: Mr. Preston, this operation will be a failure if we all die.
Amy Wallace: You know all your friends from the force? You don't have them anymore.
Sheriff McClelland: Yeah, they're dead. They're all messed up.
George Jetson: Jane! Get me off this crazy thing.
Bobby Duran: How many times have you lost everything Jack?
Lula: That Johnnie is one clever detective. You know how clever?
Sailor: How clever?
Lula: He told me once he could find an honest man in Washington.
Warwick: We're going to hell...together!
Mike Medwicki: Maybe if you could... you could try and find your mom?
Amanda Sue Bradley: My mom? She threw me away. She threw me away.
Marvin Libner: Work, huh, responsibility. Don't these words mean anything to you?
Robert 'Bobby' Libner: Duh.
Molly: ...you have no respect for women.
Joey: I guess dinner and a blow job's out of the question.
Molly: I guess.
Joey: We'll forget dinner.
Brian Hope: Look Charlie, some con men sell life insurance. The church sells afterlife insurance. It's brilliant! Everyone thinks you might need it, and no-one can prove you don't.
Charlie McManus: The church isn't selling anything, Brian.
Brian Hope: Oh! Well, if the church isn't selling anything how did it get to be so rich? Just remember, wherever there's a deep human need there's money to be made.
Charlie McManus: You think so?
Brian Hope: Of course, look at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Guildenstern: I think I have it: A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.
Rosencrantz: Or just as mad.
Guildenstern: Or just as mad.
Rosencrantz: And he does both.
Guildenstern: So there you are.
Rosencrantz: Stark, raving sane.
Napoleon Stone: You are dancing around with a cheeseburger.
Doris: So, how long have you known Suzanne?
Jack: Oh, about a month. Seems like longer, though.
Doris: I know what you mean. I'm her mother and it seems longer.
Bastian Bux: All right, Xayide. I will make my last wish. I wish... for you to have a heart.
Kathy: Hold me. Please hold me.
Emory Leeson: I am holding you.
Kathy: I know, but it's a woman thing. I have to say it.
Jack Merridew: Whats this dumbshit I hear about a monster? We're gonna have to send you back to kindergarten.
Larry: I'm serious.
Jack Merridew: Ok what kind of monster? Did it have fur and poison fangs, or long slimy tentacles?
Larry: It growled and it came out of me and it's mouth, it was wet.
Luke: Maybe it was a bear.
Roger: Sounds more like a reptile.
Jack Merridew: Sounds more like bullshit.
Pismo Boll: It's only a matter of time... get in bed with the devil... sooner or later you have to fuck.