Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Aunt Betty: There. What are you studying?
Troy McGreggor: French Revolution.
Aunt Betty: Oh, that looks more like World War Two.
Kari: I'll bet you my thongs.
Finn: OK, I'll bet you my underwear and raise you a truth or dare.
Kari: What? You can't bet a truth or dare!
Finn: Just because I ran out of clothes doesn't mean I can't still bet.
Isaak Perel - Salomons brother: It is written that a son never leaves his parents in difficult times.
Solomon's Father: It is also written that the son must obey his parents. And it is also your duty to watch over your brother.
Kathy: Hold me. Please hold me.
Emory Leeson: I am holding you.
Kathy: I know, but it's a woman thing. I have to say it.
Cabbie: Hey, man, what's so fuckin' funny?
Bellingham: Oh, I was just thinkin' of this guy I know. Couldn't distinguish a third dynasty sacred scroll from a piece of post-Alexandrian pictogram porn.
Doctor James Atherton: In this first generation, the original male also produced a queen, and together they will construct a primary nest which the queen will guard. But eventually, she will create reproductive offspring of her own. And when that happens, this town is dead... and the next town... and the next town... and the next one, and so on.
Colonel Scot McCoy: My turn to teach.
Turkell: It must be visiting hours, 'cause my friend is back.
Fred Neff: Men are dates, date substitutes or potential dates. I find that dehumanizing.
Father Luke Brophy: She has an unGodly voice, maniacal facial expressions.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: That doesn't prove a thing, she could be related to Joe Cocker.
Father Luke Brophy: No.
Father Jebedaiah Mayii: Could it be she had PMS?
Dinky Bossetti: Who understands ANYONE these days... who WANTS to?
Gerald Howells: Gosh, I want to kiss you so bad, Dinky.
Dinky Bossetti: It's good to want things.
Lieutenant Laker: He was your superior, wasn't he?
Graham Marshall: No, he was my boss.
David Ackerman: I'm going to blow that shit you call brains all over my partner here.
Bobby Duran: How many times have you lost everything Jack?
Pilot: Lieutenant, you guys are incredible. Thank you.
Curran: There's no reason to thank us because we don't exist. You never saw us. This never happened.
Hawkins: One more thing: you're welcome.
Jack Merridew: Whats this dumbshit I hear about a monster? We're gonna have to send you back to kindergarten.
Larry: I'm serious.
Jack Merridew: Ok what kind of monster? Did it have fur and poison fangs, or long slimy tentacles?
Larry: It growled and it came out of me and it's mouth, it was wet.
Luke: Maybe it was a bear.
Roger: Sounds more like a reptile.
Jack Merridew: Sounds more like bullshit.
Mouseking: Come back here! There's no-one to save you now, Nutcracker! There's no escaping me.
Michael Corleone: Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.
Spencer Barnes: I've worked hard to work this hard.