Best comedy movie quotes of 1990

Carl Stark: Help me.
Burt Simpson: You got to be kidding.

Nora: I say do it. I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me, talk hard.

Junior: Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?

Patricia: My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.

Tinker: I'll be in hell for breakfast.

Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.

Rosalie Boca: We didn't do it. I swear to God we didn't. We found him outside, on the lawn.
Devo Nod: ...Right outside.
Rosalie Boca: ...He was lying there, someone had shot him, and thrown him on the lawn.
Nadja: Yeah, it was a mess.
Rosalie Boca: ...It was terrible. So we brought him inside and we... we put him in bed... and... yep... It must have been the Mafia.
Lt. Larry Schooner: Mafia?
Devo Nod: The Mafia.
Nadja: Yeah. Joey was Italian.
Rosalie Boca: He is Italian.
Devo Nod: He is Italian.

Doris: So, how long have you known Suzanne?
Jack: Oh, about a month. Seems like longer, though.
Doris: I know what you mean. I'm her mother and it seems longer.

Kathy: Hold me. Please hold me.
Emory Leeson: I am holding you.
Kathy: I know, but it's a woman thing. I have to say it.

Lieutenant Laker: He was your superior, wasn't he?
Graham Marshall: No, he was my boss.

Elliot Hopper: Cancel the 5.
Carol: Oh, no! You can't cancel the 5.
Elliot Hopper: Then put the 5 at 4, and then cancel at 4.

Christian: I'm tired of being my own rival.

Brontë Mitchell Faure: We don't have to like each other. We just have to get married.

Muse: Yeah, I know Professor Davis. He's trying to get you into the sack.
Alice: No.
Muse: Yeah, it's the main reason he teaches: female pupils.
Alice: No, he's, he's very deep! He's not like that.
Muse: Yeah, 'very deep' is exactly where he wants to put it.

Nick Smith: I guess you could say it's extremely vulgar, I like it a lot.

David Ackerman: You fucking lied to Garcia.
Nick Pulovski: I didn't lie to him. I just didn't tell him the truth.

Greg Samson: Let me add that if I catch the kidnapper of my poor son, I'll offer him Christian forgiveness. Then I'll skin his honkers and use 'em for shammy cloths.

Bob the Turk: I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it because they didn't do something someone told them to do.
Gus Cardinale: Don't worry Bob, I would never do something to make someone do something to someone, because that someone didn't do something that someone wanted them to do.
Bob the Turk: I'm glad we understand each other.
Gus Cardinale: ...Me too.

Dr. Herbert West: He's a wife-beater, Dan! Use the gun.

Kari: I'll bet you my thongs.
Finn: OK, I'll bet you my underwear and raise you a truth or dare.
Kari: What? You can't bet a truth or dare!
Finn: Just because I ran out of clothes doesn't mean I can't still bet.