Laura: I hate that Nellie Oleson.
Caroline: Laura! Don't say "hate" - don't even think "hate"! I'm sure Nellie has her good qualities somewhere.
Charles: Your ma's right, half-pint. Now on the way home, we'll try and think of some.
Paladin: I don't think you got a very good look at this gun while you had it. The balance is perfect. This trigger responds to a pressure of one ounce. If you look carefully in the barrel you'll see the lines of the rifling. It's a rarity in a hand weapon. This gun was handcrafted to my specifications and I rarely draw it unless I mean to use it. Would you care for a demonstration?
Ben Cartwright: You and your education.
Adam Cartwright: Education is progress! Now what have you got against it?
Ben Cartwright: I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking.
Billy Blue Cannon: I need all the rest I can get, Uncle Buck.
Buck Cannon: When I was your age, Blue, the word 'rest' hadn't been invented.
Corporal Randolph Agarn: How do you get to Fort Courage? That's easy. You take a right at the rock that looks like a bear, then a left at the bear that looks like a rock.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I'll tell you why the Hagens live so long.
Festus Haggen: Why?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: 'Cause they're too dumb to know they're dead.
Man in Black: This whole world is a story. I've read every page except the last one. I need to find out how it ends. I want to know what this all means.
Lawrence: See, now that's why I never learned to read.
Hank Lawson: I ain't stupid.
Olive Bray: Well, that's a matter of opinion.
Omar: That's the great thing about the compound bow, a great equalizer. A little bit of practice, even a girl can make that shot.
Eva: No one's ever gutted a man for me before.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: How about a cruise for our honeymoon?
Ranger Cordell Walker: We've already done that.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: That was a river raft.
Ranger Cordell Walker: Close enough.
Nick Barkley: It might do you good to eat a little dust once in awhile.
Jarrod Barkley: I'm a lawyer, remember? I only eat crow.
Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Red Lance: You... read all these books?
Voices That Carry: There's much to learn from them.
Red Lance: What good is this knowledge?
Voices That Carry: You have many questions Red Lance, but you have no desire to hear the answers.
Red Lance: And you do not wish to learn.
Voices That Carry: I've told you. The Ghost Dance is only superstition. Spirits can't help our people. Only we can do that for ourselves.
Red Lance: You do not have ears. You will not listen.
Hannibal Heyes: Look, Wheat, I agree, we gotta bust him out. But it's gonna take finesse.
Kyle Murtry: Wheat didn't bring any of that.
Ezra: You're sneaky, I'll give you that, but you're? you're? help me out here, Buck.
Buck: You are crookeder than a yellow-bellied snake makin' its way through a prickly pear patch.
Ezra: Thank you.