Sgt. Stedenko: The only kind of meat a priest could eat on Friday was nun.
Missy Elliott: You, you need to call M.C. Hammer and let him know you're stealing his stuff. Ya'll two crazy people in here.
Gilbert: Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature.
Sullivan: Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation.
Gilbert: If you wish to write a Grand Opera about a prostitute, dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr Ibsen in Oslo. I am sure he will be able to furnish you with something suitably dull.
Jerry Lee: England can kiss my ass.
Doorman: Are you expected?
Tony Manero: To do what?
David: They're coming to see me!
Otis: They're coming to see the Temptations.
David: Ain't nobody coming to see you, Otis!
Elliot Wilhelm: When are you going to call me?
Chili Palmer: When your phone rings.
John Clark: The one thing I am proudest of in my whole life, is that you're happy with me. If I couldn't, if I couldn't tell you that I was unhappy sometimes, is because I didn't want to risk hurting the one person I treasure most. I'm so sorry.
Johnny: You're not wasting my time, I'm just cooling.
James Wright: How many Beatles are there?
Kyle Davidson: Three... and Ringo.
Bobby James: Get the goons with the fruit.
Emmet Ray: I didn't ask your opinion. I'm just telling ya how it's gonna go.
Agnes Carpenter: Karen, you're not eating. You look too thin, if you ask me.
Karen Carpenter: Mother, how can anybody be too thin?
Pierre Dulaine: To do something, anything, is hard. It's much easier to blame your father, your mother, the environment, the government, the lack of money, but even if you find a place to assign the blame, it doesn't make the problems go away.
Marquis de Sade: Man has given a false importance to death. Any animal, man or plant that dies adds to Nature's compost heap becomes the manure without which nothing could grow, nothing could be created. Death is simply part of the process. Every death, even the cruellest death drowns in the total indifference of Nature. Nature would watch unmoved if we destroyed the entire human race. I hate Nature.
Dusty: Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was already taken.
Open Mic Host: We've got one spot left. You guys got any new material?
JB: What we got's gonna turn your brain into shit.
Wizard: Can't you see it? Wizard productions presents the number one heat wave: august rush.
August Rush: Yeah! Me! That's me.
Cricket Feldstein: You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose.
Nick: If anyone is getting raped in that van, it'll be a guy.