Johnny Depp (back to the J list / D list)

The Mad Hatter: There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter. Which luckily I am.

The Mad Hatter: What a regrettably large head you have. I would very much like to hat it. I use to hat The White Queen, you know. Her head was so small.

The Red Queen: It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?

Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

Alice Kingsley: This is impossible.

The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

The Mad Hatter: Why is it you're always too small or too tall?

Alice: Hatter, why *is* a raven like a writing desk?

Mad Hatter: I haven't the slightest idea.

Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called canibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Mrs. Gloop: Zen he vil be made into strawberry flavoured chocolate coated fudge?

Willy Wonka: Of course not. I can't let thet happen. Can you imagine Augustus flavoured chocolate coated fudge? Ew.

Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want one of those squirrels! Get me one of those squirrels!

Mr. Salt: All right dear. Mr. Wonka, how much for one of your squirrels? Name your price.

Willy Wonka: Oh, they're not for sale. She can't have one.

Veruca Salt: Daddy!

Willy Wonka: [impersonating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling, Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.

Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?

Grandpa Joe: No, sir.

Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

Willy Wonka: All right, let's start the tour.

Violet Beauregarde: Wait, don't you want to know our names?

Willy Wonka: I can't see why that would possibly make any difference.

Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?

Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas. Straight from Loompaland.

Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.

Willy Wonka: Excuse me?

Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography.

Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and what a terrible place it is.

Willy Wonka: This is the puppet hospital and burns unit. It's relatively new.

Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most.

Mike Teavee: There's a big difference between waves and particles. For one thing...

Willy Wonka: [interrupting] MUMBLER! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!

Charlie: So... if I go with you, to live in your factory, I'll never see my family again?

Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!

Captain Jack Sparrow: A dishonest man can always be trusted to be dishonest. It's the honest ones you can't trust.

Captain Jack Sparrow: You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him.

Captain Jack Sparrow: You look bloody awful. What are you doing here?

Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.

Captain Jack Sparrow: You smell funny.

Elizabeth Swann: [After cuffing Captain Jack to the mast] It's after you, not the ship. It's not us. I mean, this is the only way, don't you see? I'm not sorry.

Jack Sparrow: Pirate.

Norrington: So am I worthy to sail under Captain Jack Sparrow? [Points gun at Jack] Or should I just kill you now?

Jack Sparrow: You're hired.

Davey Jones: 100 souls. 3 days.

Jack Sparrow: You're a diamond mate. Send me back the boy, I'll get started right off.

Jones: I keep the boy. A good faith payment. That leaves you only 99 more to go.

Jack: Have you not met Will Turner? He's noble, heroic, terrific soprano! Worth at least four. Maybe 3 and a half. And did I happen to mention? He's in love with a girl. Due to be married. Betrothed. Dividing him from her and her from him would only be half as cruel as actually allowing tham to be joined together in holy matrimony, eh?

Jones: I keep the boy. 99 souls. But I wonder, Sparrow, can you live with this? Can you condemn an innocent man, a friend, to a life time of servitude in your name while you roam free?

Jack: Yep. I'm good with it. So do we seal in blood? Or ink?

Jones: 3 days.

Jack Sparrow: I want my jar of dirt.

Tia Dalma: Land is where you are safe Jack Sparrow. And so you will carry land with you.

[She hands him a jar of dirt]

Jack Sparrow: Dirt? This is a jar of dirt!

Tia: Yes...

Jack: Is the jar of dirt going to help?

Tia: If you don't want it give it back.

Jack: NO!

Tia: Then it helps.

Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum always gone?

[Walks a short distance groggily]

Jack Sparrow: Oh - that's why.

Jack Sparrow: You know that feeling you get when you're standing in a high place... sudden urge to jump?... I don't have it.

Jack Sparrow: There'll be dangers along the way... firstly mermaids, zombies... Blackbeard.

Gibbs: All part of the plan, yes?

Jack Sparrow: No.

Jack Sparrow: Have you been there?

Captain Teague: Does this face look like it's been to the fountain of youth?

Jack Sparrow: Depends on the light.

Angelica: That's hardly appropriate for the first mate.

Jack Sparrow: Was I the first?

Jack Sparrow: Did everyone see that? Because I will NOT be doing it again.

Angelica: What were you doing in a Spanish convent, anyway?

Jack Sparrow: I thought it was a brothel.

Jack Sparrow: You lied to me by telling me the truth?

Angelica: Yes.

Jack Sparrow: That's good! May I use that?

Jack Sparrow: I support the missionary's position.

Jack Sparrow: You walk like a girl.

Angelica: You would know.

Elizabeth Swann: That's it, then? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow - you spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum?

Jack Sparrow: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.

Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?

Will Turner: He roped a couple of sea turtles? What did he use for rope?

Jack Sparrow: Human hair. From my back.

Elizabeth Swann: But you were marooned on this island before, weren't you? So we can escape in the same way you did then.

Jack Sparrow: To what point and purpose, young missy? The Black Pearl is gone. Unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails [eying Elizabeth's chest] hidden in that bodice. Unlikely! Young Mr. Turner will be dead long before you can reach him.

[Barbossa is about to kill Will, but Jack shows up.]

Barbossa: It's not possible!

Jack Sparrow: Not probable.

Will Turner: Where's Elizabeth?

Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really. Except for Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.

Jack Sparrow: I'll tell ya mate, if every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted. [Sees woman.] Scarlett!

[Scarlett slaps Jack's face and walks away.]

Jack Sparrow: Not sure I deserved that. [Another woman walks over.] Giselle!

Giselle: Who was she?

Jack Sparrow: What?

[Giselle slaps Jack's face and walks away.]

Jack Sparrow: I may have deserved that.

[Later in the film, Jack removes someone's hat to reveal a woman underneath.]

Jack Sparrow: Anamaria!

[Anamaria slaps Jack's face.]

Will Turner: I suppose you didn't deserve that one either.

Jack Sparrow: No. That one I deserved.

Elizabeth Swann: Mr Sparrow, the entire British navy is looking for me, this signal is over a thousand feet high, do you really think there is no chance they will see it?

[Jack makes some threatening moves towards Elizabeth, then storms off up the beach. Walking backwards looking at her, he then turns around to see a huge ship moored, with a row boat coming to rescue them. He turns back to look at Elizabeth Swann.]

Jack Sparrow: There'll be no living with her after this!

Jack Sparrow: Me I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly it's the honest ones you have to watch out for, you never can predict if they're going to do something incredibly stupid.

Jack Sparrow: Now you can either accept that your father was a pirate and a good man, or me I could just leave you there to drown. Your choice.

Jack Sparrow: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?

Will Turner: I'd die for her.

Jack Sparrow: Oh good. No worries then.

Rango: Stay in school, eat your veggies, and burn all the books that ain't Shakespeare.

Rango: Reptiles gotta stick together, brother.

Buford: I'm an amphibian.

Rango: Ain't no shame in that.

Rango: I think the metaphor broke my spleen.

Rango: We can control it! Like a monkey's bladder!

Rango: I'm going to slice your face off and use it to wipe my unmentionables!

Lotterman: How does anyone drink 161 miniatures?

Paul Kemp: Are they not complimentary?

Paul Kemp: What's your name?

Chenault: Let's keep that a secret.

Paul Kemp: But I don't even know it.

Chenault: Then you'll keep it even better.

Paul Kemp: I thought you said you had a TV.

Sala: No, the guy across the alley has a TV. I have binoculars.