Mr. Teevee: So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?

Willy Wonka: Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.

Charlie: But could you send it by TV if you wanted to?

Willy Wonka: Of course I could.

Mike Teevee: What about people?

Willy Wonka: Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.

Mrs. Beauregarde: I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?

Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair.

Willy Wonka: I've tried it on, like, 20 Oompa Loompahs and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!

Willy Wonka: [hiding behind a newspaper while Charlie shines his shoes] Too bad about that chocolate guy. Walter... er, Waldo...

Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka: Right, him. Did you ever meet him?

Charlie Bucket: I met him. I thought he was great at first. Then he didn't turn out that nice. And he has a funny haircut.

Willy Wonka: [throwing the newspaper down] I do not!

Mrs. Beauregarde: [after Violet has turned into a blueberry] I can't have a blueberry for a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?

Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair.

Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.

Mr. Teavee: These flashbacks happen often?

Willy Wonka: Increasingly... today.

Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?

Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.

Mrs. Gloop: Augustus, don't eat yourself.

Augustus: But I taste so good!

Willy Wonka: Don't touch that squirrel's nuts!

Charlie: So... if I go with you, to live in your factory, I'll never see my family again?

Willy Wonka: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!

Mike Teavee: There's a big difference between waves and particles. For one thing...

Willy Wonka: [interrupting] MUMBLER! Seriously, I cannot understand a word you're saying!

Mrs. Gloop: Zen he vil be made into strawberry flavoured chocolate coated fudge?

Willy Wonka: Of course not. I can't let thet happen. Can you imagine Augustus flavoured chocolate coated fudge? Ew.

Willy Wonka: This is the puppet hospital and burns unit. It's relatively new.

Violet Beauregarde: Are they real people?

Willy Wonka: Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas. Straight from Loompaland.

Mr. Teavee: There's no such place.

Willy Wonka: Excuse me?

Mr. Teavee: Mr Wonka, I teach high school geography.

Willy Wonka: Well, then, you'll know all about it and what a terrible place it is.

Willy Wonka: All right, let's start the tour.

Violet Beauregarde: Wait, don't you want to know our names?

Willy Wonka: I can't see why that would possibly make any difference.

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.

Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?

Grandpa Joe: No, sir.

Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want one of those squirrels! Get me one of those squirrels!

Mr. Salt: All right dear. Mr. Wonka, how much for one of your squirrels? Name your price.

Willy Wonka: Oh, they're not for sale. She can't have one.

Veruca Salt: Daddy!

Willy Wonka: [impersonating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling, Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.

Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want to go in.

Mr Salt: It's 9:59, sweetheart.

Veruca Salt: Make time go faster.

Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most.

Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called canibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.