Charlie: Paul someone wants you outside.
Paul: Who?
Charlie: Everyone in here.
Mayor Winston: I am not a child, and I will not be treated like one.
Charlie: Sir, you forgot your shoes.
Mayor Winston: I don't care.
Mike: Why don't you like me anymore?
Nikki: I don't want to talk to you about this. You're just going to confuse me. You're too charming, you're too smart, you're too clever.
Mike: I can change.
Mayor Winston: Mike, look out that window. We preside over the greatest city in the world.
Mike: Sir, that's New Jersey.
Stuart: I remember the first time I got mugged. It was by a woman. She came up to me, made small talk, put her hand in my pocket, and made off with my wallet.
James: That's horrible.
Stuart: I've paid more to get less.
James: How many women have you slept with?
Stuart: Roughly.
James: I don't care how you did it, you sicko.
Mike: My friend Sebastian saw you at a dance club Friday night.
Stacey: How'd he know it was me.
Mike: You had your tongue in his mouth.
Caitlin: Mike, believe it or not, the whole universe does not revolve around you.
Mike: Are you calling my mom a liar?
Charlie: Sir. You called me Charlie.
Mayor Winston: Ah, don't let it go to your head, Mike.
Paul: I can't seem to get Claudia pregnant. Every night she's on my back riding me.
Mike: I think I've zeroed in on your problem.
Stuart: If that woman ever shows her face again, I will unleash a punishment upon her she cannot even fathom.
Carter: What are you gonna do? You gonna date her?
James: Can men do this?
Mike: Men, yes. You, no.
Drew West: So, Randy... what's your favorite sexual position?
Mayor Winston: Well, that's really not any of your business. However, I hear yours is "Man on top, woman in magazine."
Mayor Winston: Are you sure this is the best title for my autobiography?"Winston On Winston"?
Mike: Hey, as long there aren't two guys on the cover, I think we're okay.
Heidi Klum: We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter.
Holly: I don't have the patience to ask you again. Leave me alone or I'll have you terminated.
Stuart: You can't fire me.
Holly: I meant killed.
Paul: If this gets out then I'll be the laughingstock of the city.
Stuart: Oh that ship has sailed.
Mayor Winston: Did you know that when I was in college, I made a student film?
Mike: Really?
Mayor Winston: The Yale Daily News called it "an incoherent mess."
Mike: I know the German word for constipation, which I believe is farfrompoopin.
Mike: There are 10 commandments. I'd like your dates to check out on at least 7 of them.
