The Office

Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here.

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Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one."Little Kid Lover." That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

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Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

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Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculacable.

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Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

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Michael Scott: That's what she said.

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Jim Halpert: God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

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Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam Beesly: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

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Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.

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Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

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Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

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Michael Scott: I swore to myself if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh as they saw me coming, and they'd applaud as I walked away.

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Michael Scott: Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.

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Jim Halpert: Michael stands in front of the boat and says he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.

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Pam Beesly: I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

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Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

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Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

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Dwight Schrute: Your pencils are creating a health hazard. I could fall and pierce an organ.

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Mistakes

Toby competes with Darryl to sell Girl Scout cookies. Toby says it's his daughter's first year selling them. However, earlier in the series, Toby agrees to sign Dwight's apology letter from corporate if he buys cookies from his daughter.

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Trivia

Creed Bratton plays the voice of the Industrial Coal Mine Shaft employee that Michael talks to on the phone when he's trying to come up with some surprise for the staff.

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