House, M.D. (2004)

DNR - S1-E9

Dr. Wilson: [To House.] Some doctors have the messiah complex – they need to save the world. You have a Rubik's complex – you need to solve the puzzle.

Histories - S1-E10

House: And what is the treatment for advanced ovarian cancer?
Dr. Foreman: Pine box.

Histories - S1-E10

Chris: You're reading a comic book.
House: And you're calling attention to your bosom by wearing a low-cut top. Oh, I'm sorry – I thought we were having a 'state the obvious' contest. I'm competitive by nature.

Histories - S1-E10

Dr. Wilson: You really don't need to know everything about everybody.
House: I don't need to watch The O.C., but it makes me happy.

Sports Medicine - S1-E12

House: Fine. I'll ask one of my other friends.
Dr. Wilson: Huh?
House: What? Are you saying I've only got one friend?
Dr. Wilson: Who?
House: Kevin. In Bookkeeping.
Dr. Wilson: Okay, well first of all, his name is Carl.
House: I call him Kevin. It's his secret friendship club name.

Heavy - S1-E16

House: I'm thinking I can convince Vogler it'll be more cost-efficient to keep all of them.
Dr. Wilson: You should be able to pull that off. Most billionaires aren't very good with numbers.
House: It will be more cost-efficient once I grab Cameron's ass, call Forman a spade, and Chase...well, I'll grab his ass too.

Occam's Razor - S1-E3

Dr. Cuddy: [to House.] It's not going to work. You know why? Because this is fun. You think of something to make me miserable, I think of something to make you miserable. It's a game, and I'm going to win. Because I got a headstart - you're already miserable.

Three Stories - S1-E21

Dr. House: Tell a surgeon it's okay to cut a leg off, he's gonna spend the night polishing his good hacksaw.

Friso94

Office Politics - S7-E6

Dr. Cuddy: [While talking to Masters and House.] You'll figure something out. The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300.

Friso94

Office Politics - S7-E6

Dr. House: You said 'or'. The road to dead patients is paved with 'or's.

Friso94

House vs. God - S2-E19

Dr. House: If you talk to God, you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic.

Friso94

Safe - S2-E16

Dr. House: You wake up in the morning, the paint is peeling, the water is boiling and your curtains are gone, which problem do you deal with first?
Dr. Foreman: House!
Dr. House: None of them! The building is on fire.

Friso94

House: [knocking on Dr. Wilson's door.] I know you're in there. I can hear you caring.

Dr. Cuddy: All this from falling off my roof.
House: Yeah, if only he'd fallen on his head. Then he wouldn't have any of these symptoms.

Damned If You Do - S1-E5

House: You know how it is with nuns - take out their IUDs and they bounce right back.

Poison - S1-E8

House: I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell"?
Dr. Chase: I'm Australian.
House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.

Poison - S1-E8

Dr. Cuddy: [to House.] Her only sign of mental illness is she disagrees with you. Some would consider that a sign of sanity.

DNR - S1-E9

Dr. Cuddy: When I hired you, I knew you were insane. I will continue to try and stop you from doing insane things, but once they're done... Trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is, in itself, insane. So when I hired you I also set aside $50,000 a year for legal expenses. So far you've come in under budget.

Detox - S1-E11

House: I take risks - sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die. So I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.

Mob Rules - S1-E15

House: But I have a theory. There is one chemical that, if ingested, it causes a person's estrogen level to increase dramatically.
Bill: What is it?
House: It's called...estrogen.