Dave Chappelle: R. Kelly was pissed. No punchline to that. Ni**a was pissed. He was all, "How could you go and make a video about peeing on someone?" Ni**a, how could you go making a video about peeing on somebody?
Rick James: They shoulda never gave you ni**as money.
Dave Chappelle: Skeet Skeet Skeet.
Chris: Hey Tanisha, it was good seeing you.
Darius: "Good seeing you?" Good seeing you? That's my girl, ni**a! I keep it real.
Bill Burr: You know, I have to admit, I saw this robbery coming from a mile away, which is why I put my car keys up my ass.
P. Diddy: All right, I got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I'm gonna have to shut down the studio. The good news is that I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance.
Tron: Hey, it's white boy, ok who ordered the pizza. Hey white boy find the square root of this room.
Tron: Night. Night. Keep yo butthole tight.
Tyree: My name is Tyree, and yeah, I went to prison.
Man with Messed Up Teeth: How come us black people smoke so much weed?
Paul Mooney: I got a question for you, ni**a. What happened to your teeth?
Rick James: I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time, one of the best singers and one of the best looking motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.
Rick James: Drink UP, be merry! Welcome to the China Club - A-CHUNGA-CHUNG-KUNG-A-CHINGA-KUNG-KAW-CHING.
Audience Member: Negrodamus, why is President Bush convinced there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
Negrodamus: Because he has the receipt.
Charlie Murphy: Because of my complexion, he use to call me Darkness. He calls me and brother Darkness. The Darkness Brothers. See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then... we was the blackest ni**as on the planet according to Rick James.
Silky Johnston: Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm gonna go put water in Buck Nasty's Mama's dish.
Chad: Hi, I'm Chad, your new roommate.
Tyree: Well, looky here, "Chad." For the entire period you in my room, I better not catch you standing up peeing. You sit down when you pee, you got that? Now get your fat ass on outta here.
Tyrone Biggums: You know what dog food tastes like? Do you? It tastes just like it smells... delicious.
Dave Chappelle: I'm Dave Chappelle, and I like internet porn.
P. Diddy: What are you doing, Ness? You just gonna do your taxes right now? Is that hot? Is that what's going down in the streets?
Dave Chappelle: ...Jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes.
