Tiger Woods: I always wanted to say this... fa-shizzle.
Dave Chappelle: R. Kelly was pissed. No punchline to that. Ni**a was pissed. He was all, "How could you go and make a video about peeing on someone?" Ni**a, how could you go making a video about peeing on somebody?
President Black Bush: I didn't want to say this. The motherfucker bought yellow cake. All right! From Africa. He went to Africa and bought some yellow cake.
News Reporter: Are you sure?
President Black Bush: Yes! I'm sure, bitch.
Rick James: I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time, one of the best singers and one of the best looking motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.
Prosecutor: Are you aware that Robert Blake has been accused of murdering his wife?
Dave Chappelle: Oh yeah. Baretta did that shit.
Rick James: Drink UP, be merry! Welcome to the China Club - A-CHUNGA-CHUNG-KUNG-A-CHINGA-KUNG-KAW-CHING.
Phaze 2: Yo, go in there and get me a Philly blunt son.
Tron: And a banana Cognac, biotch.
Rick James: They shoulda never gave you ni**as money.
Silky Johnson: That was Beautiful. On the weekends, Beautiful does stunts for Little Richard in gay movies.
Audience Member: Negrodamus, why is President Bush convinced there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
Negrodamus: Because he has the receipt.
Dave Chappelle: Welcome back to Chappelle Show, I still haven't been canceled yet but I'm workin' on it.
Dave Chappelle: Skeet Skeet Skeet.
Vernon: Thug life! You think this a game, ni**a! Arf! Arf! WU-TANG.
Charlie Murphy: Because of my complexion, he use to call me Darkness. He calls me and brother Darkness. The Darkness Brothers. See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. Back then... we was the blackest ni**as on the planet according to Rick James.
Silky Johnston: Rosie O'Donnel. She wears underwear with dick holes.
Chris: Hey Tanisha, it was good seeing you.
Darius: "Good seeing you?" Good seeing you? That's my girl, ni**a! I keep it real.
Black Gallagher: Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons, Green Clovers, and Orange Stars - that leprechauns' on acid.
Silky Johnston: Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm gonna go put water in Buck Nasty's Mama's dish.
Dave Chappelle: Oh, Sally, it's not what's gotten into me, it's what's gotten into Oprah! My seed, son! Ha ha h aha! I'm rich, bitch! Ha ha ha.
Bill Burr: You know, I have to admit, I saw this robbery coming from a mile away, which is why I put my car keys up my ass.