Ginny: Mummy, have you seen my jumper?
Mrs. Weasley: Yes dear, it was on the cat.
Arthur Weasley: Now, Harry you must know all about Muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
Draco Malfoy: My father did say this; it's been fifty years since the chamber has been opened. He wouldn't tell me who opened it, only that they were expelled. The last time the Chamber of Secrets was opened, a mudblood died. So it's only a matter of time before one of them is killed this time. As for me, I hope it's Granger.
Mrs. Weasley: Your sons drove that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.
Arthur Weasley: [to the boys.] Did you really? How did it go?
[Mrs. Weasley hits him.]
Arthur Weasley: I mean, that was very wrong indeed boys. Very wrong of you.
Moaning Myrtle: Oh sure, let's all throw books at Myrtle, because she can't feel it! Ten points if it goes through her stomach, fifty if it goes through her head!
Neville Longbottom: Why is it always me?
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Haven't I told you? Killing Mudbloods doesn't matter to me any more. For many months now, my new target has been you.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Hello! And who are you?
Ron: I'm Ron Weasley.
Lockhart: Really. And who-who am I?
Ron: Harry! Lockhart's memory charm backfired. He hasn't got a clue who he is!
Lockhart: This is an odd sort of place, isn't it. Do you live here?
Lockhart: Really-? [Ron hits him on the head with a rock.].
Dudley: Who'd want to be friends with you?