Inspector Todd: Don't think, Axel! It makes my dick itch!
Chief Harold Lutz: You moron! You call the supervising agent of the goddamn FBI to help break this alphabet code? This is a local crime. My men will solve it. Locally, Roseweed.
Detective Billy Rosewood: Sir, my name's not Roseweed.
Chief Harold Lutz: Oh shut up! Please!
Axel Foley: You just hit a squad car!
Rosewood: I know, I know, it's OK, I know the guy. He's a jerk!
Billy Rosewood: How'd it go?
Axel Foley: What would you guys say if I told you there was a six-foot blonde working here?
Billy: Witnesses reported a six-foot blonde at the Adriano's robbery.
John Taggart: Axel, this isn't Detroit you know. Six-foot blonde women grow on trees in California.
Billy: He's right. They're everywhere.
Axel Foley: Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets and it's your car, so we have to take you in.
Sidney Bernstein: Wait a second, I've got an idea. Is there something that I have, in this office, that I could hand to you and that would, make you...kinda forget that you're holding those, uh, little pink tickets there?
Axel: What are you trying to say, sir?
Sidney: Like, you'd be holding something in that hand, and this hand you'd forget about. This hand you'd be concentrating on. That hand you'd go, what, what did I have there? I don't even remember.
Axel: What, you mean, like, if I had um... $200 in this hand?
Sidney: Ouch! Let go of my arm. $200? Ouch! Please, I'm robbing you. That's what I'm doing. Here's one, here's two. They're real crisp.
Axel Foley: I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop! I know when I can smell a pig inside a room. I used to be a Muslim, man, and I know there's pork over here!
