Sir Amyas Paulet: The Queen orders these measures for your protection.
Mary Stuart: The Queen? I am a queen. They call her The Virgin Queen. Why is that, sir? Can it be that no man will have her?
Dan Burns: I don't want to go out with the pig... face.
Cam Wexler: Shit! Shit shit shit... pardon my French.
Charlie: I speak a little French and that sounded like "shit."
Feng: Ladies and Gentlemen. Athletes. I bid you Toodles.
Kate: I wish there was a cookbook for life, you know? Recipes telling us exactly what to do. I know, I know, you're gonna say "How else will you learn, Kate."
Therapist: Mm. No, actually I wasn't going to say that. You want to guess again?
Kate: No, no, go ahead.
Therapist: Well what I was going to say was, you know better than anyone, it's the recipes that you create yourself that are the best.
Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: Fuck off.
Alison Scott: What?
Ben Stone: What?
Captain Wentworth: I have loved none but you. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this?
Tom Lefroy: Was I deficient in rapture?
Jane Austen: Inconsciousness.
Tom Lefroy: It was... It was accomplished.
Jane Austen: It was ironic.
Sylvester: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
Zeke: I'll see you at Nationals.
Sylvester: Yes you will.
Leon Tallis: What do you say, Cee? Does the hot weather make you behave badly? Good heavens, you're blushing.
Cecilia Tallis: Just hot in here, that's all.
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
Ben Murphy: Do you wanna walk the midget?
Prince Charming: Wait, wait, wait! I think I understand.
Prince Charming: Actually I got nothing.
Buddy Wittenborn: What if we just sang and laughed together... for the rest of our lives.
Young Ann: It wouldn't work.
Buddy Wittenborn: Not for you.
Paige Hardwicke: Oh, let's see the new Colin Farrell movie.
Carter Webb: Oh, let's not.
April Epner: Your wife was seeing someone else?
Frank: Pretty much everyone else. I was too much for her.
April Epner: Your wife? I'm sure she didn't feel that way.
Frank: She told me.
April Epner: What did she say?
Frank: 'You're too much for me.'.
April Epner: Ugh.
Florentino Ariza: Shoot me. There is no greater glory than to die for love.
Aiden: Creeks lead to rivers.
Wilson: Misanthrope seeks misanthrope. Honestly, if you respond to this ad then you are probably not the kind of woman I'd go out with. I guess I'm lonely and it's new years and I'm willing to embarrass the hell out of myself with this ad. About me: My girlfriends over the years have been intelligent and beautiful, in the end they have all broken my heart, whatever that means. My friend says I have to have a foto, so here it is. Talk to you soon. Wilson.
Jack: This isn't Paris. This is hell.