Judy: Come on, I wanna know how you two met.
Nora: I picked him up in a bar. How's that?
Max: I was drunk, and she was drunk, and I liked her looks so I convinced her to let me bring her home, and I seduced her on the sofa bed, and it was magic, and I keep coming back for more.
Barbara Sabich: You're still in love with her.
Rusty Sabich: It was never love.
Barbara Sabich: Then what was it?
Rusty Sabich: It was never love.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
Richard Rascal Moore: Oh God, Virg, if I have to hear one more word about that stupid restaurant.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: It's not stupid! At least I've got a plan! What are you gonna do after the war, huh?
Richard Rascal Moore: Come to your restaurant and rob it.
Screwface: Everybody want go heaven. Nobody want dead. Afraid.
Patricia: My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.
Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Roy Dillon: You talk the lingo. What's your pitch?
Myra Langtry: The long end, big con.
Roy Dillon: Nobody does that single-o.
Myra Langtry: I was teamed ten years with the best in the business, Cole Langley.
Roy Dillon: I've heard the name.
Myra Langtry: It was beautiful! And getting better all the time.
Roy Dillon: Is that right?
Myra Langtry: It is, Roy. It's where you should be. What do you bring in, $300, $400 a week? We used money like that for tips.
Michael Corleone: Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment.
Nora: I say do it. I don't care what, just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me, talk hard.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.
Cody: I'm going in there to waste some teachers - are you with me?
David Ackerman: You fucking lied to Garcia.
Nick Pulovski: I didn't lie to him. I just didn't tell him the truth.
F-18 Pilot: Everything's shit duty today.
MSgt. Otis V. McKinney: We'll talk again. I believe tomorrow morning you'll find you've got a team, want one or not.
Pfc. Franklin Fairchild Bean: I will not.
MSgt. Otis V. McKinney: I will not, sergeant! That's a gig, Lamar.
Cpl. Harold Lamar: Gig for Bean.
MSgt. Otis V. McKinney: And gigs mean trouble.
Pismo Boll: It's only a matter of time... get in bed with the devil... sooner or later you have to fuck.
Jack Merridew: Whats this dumbshit I hear about a monster? We're gonna have to send you back to kindergarten.
Larry: I'm serious.
Jack Merridew: Ok what kind of monster? Did it have fur and poison fangs, or long slimy tentacles?
Larry: It growled and it came out of me and it's mouth, it was wet.
Luke: Maybe it was a bear.
Roger: Sounds more like a reptile.
Jack Merridew: Sounds more like bullshit.
Doris: So, how long have you known Suzanne?
Jack: Oh, about a month. Seems like longer, though.
Doris: I know what you mean. I'm her mother and it seems longer.
Christian: I'm tired of being my own rival.