The Muppet Show (1976)

Waldorf: Yeah, the show is good for what ails me.
Statler: Yeah? What does ail you?
Waldorf: Insomnia.

Statler: This show is awful.
Waldorf: Terrible.
Statler: Disgusting.
Waldorf: See you next week?
Statler: Of course.

Fozzie: I don't got rhythm.
Rowlf: That's for sure.
Fozzie: I don't got rhythm.
Rowlf: Who can ask for anything more?
Statler: We could.
Waldorf: Yeah! Earplugs.

Waldorf: Just when you think this show is terrible something wonderful happens.
Statler: What?
Waldorf: It ends.

Miss Piggy: But I love him.
Rowlf: How could you love him? You're a nurse.
Miss Piggy: That may be true, but I am a woman first.
Rowlf: No, you're not. You're a pig first. Nurse second. I don't think woman made the top 10.

Statler: Ever heard of pig on bikes?
Waldorf: I've never heard of road hogs.

Kermit: Me, not crazy? I hired the others.

Fozzie: Let's all sing the rhyming song, the rhyming song, the rhyming song. Let's take turns and rhyme together... the rhyming song.
Pig: I left my niece in your car.
Fozzie: The rhyming song, the rhyming song.
Pig: My laundry's ready at half-past nine.
Fozzie: The rhyming song. Oh brother. Link?
Link: The stars are twinkling in the sky.
Fozzie: The rhyming song, the rhyming song.
Link: There's no hot water in my hotel.
Fozzie: The rhyming song.

Robot Kermit: Hey, listen you, how about you and me getting together and makin' some ste-e-e-am heat. Huh, snuggle bunny?
Miss Piggy: Snuggle bunny? Why, uh.
Robot Kermit: Yeah. Look, let me take you away from all this. Aaah, a marriage made in heaven. A frog and a pig. We can have bouncing baby figs.

Statler: I like that last number.
Waldorf: What did you like about it?
Statler: It was the last number.

Waldorf: I can't believe those rats were responsible for this show.
Statler: Those rats were also responsible for the bubonic plague. Dohohohoh.

Statler: You know I never liked this show's theme music.
Waldorf: Niether did I.
Kermit: You promised.

Waldorf: Pay up! They made it through another one.
Statler: Double or nothing next week's show?
Waldorf: You're on.

Beauregard: Kermit! Kermit! I had a dream and it was so real! I... what does it mean when you dream people are walking on your head?
Kermit: It means you're sleeping on the floor.

Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Muppet Show.

Statler: Now why did you do that to poor Fozzie?
Waldorf: Do what? I really was on the Titanic.
Statler: I know. You still have the dress you wore so they'd let you in the life boat. Heh heh heh.
Waldorf: D'oh.

Statler: Please don't make me watch it.

Kermit: And now a man who needs no introduction, so what am I doing out here?

Waldorf: These seats are awful.
Statler: Why? Can't you see anything?
Waldorf: That's the problem. I can see everything.

Waldorf: Well, you gotta give them credit.
Statler: Why's that?
Waldorf: Well, they're gonna keep on doing it till they get it right.