Dungeon Guard: All right Kubusheskie tell me... How long are you going to keep me chained up in here?
Kevin: 10 years or maybe 20. Who knows?
Christine: Oh, Alanis?
Alanis: Yes, Christine?
Christine: I'm having a party for Bruce Springsteen, you wanna come?
Alanis: Bruce Springsteen! How do you know him?
Christine: Well, I don't.
Alanis: Then how can you have a party for him?
Christine: You just buy some cheesies and soda pop and watch some videos, and voila.
Alanis: But he won't be there.
Christine: Well that's his loss, isn't it?
Christine: Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That on Television. Another in a long series of sour notes.
Lisa: You know, Christine, I was just thinking.
Christine: That's odd.
Christine: Hi, and welcome to another episode of You Can't Do That on Television, a show that is quickly becoming a matter of questionable taste.
Doug: Mom, it's not fair. You love Lisa the best.
Valerie: That's not true, Dougie, I love Alasdair the best and then Lisa, you are seventh.
Doug: But mom, there are only four kids in this family.
Valerie: Yes, Dougie, but I love the Neighbors' kids more than I love you.
Doug: But the neighbors only have two kids.
Valerie: Yes, Dougie, but I love their cat more than I love you.
Stephanie: Snake Eyes, when are you going to retire?
Snake Eyes: Retire? Oh Stephanie, I ain't never gonna retire I'm gonna die at the wheel!
Stephanie: But how can you be so sure of that?
Snake Eyes: 'Cause we're gonna die right now - I'm drivin' off that cliff!
Blip: Hold it! No food in the arcade.
Alasdair: Blip, this isn't food. It's a Barth Burger.
Blip: No pets either.
Barth: Duh, I heard that.
Kevin: Hey Alasdair.
Alasdair: Yes Kevin?
Kevin: Where do you go to pick up girls?
Alasdair: The skating rink.
Kevin: Why the skating rink?
Alasdair: Because that's where they usually fall down.
Valarie: Chris you were our first born, then you Jill, you were our second born and Christian, you were our first.
Christian: Really?
Valarie: Yes! Our first BIG mistake.
Christine: Hi, and welcome to another pailful episode of You Can't Do That on Television, the show that has nothing to fear from infection because it couldn't get any sicker then it already is.
