Quotes from Zach Braff movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

Sam: I haven't even lied in like two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
Sam: No.

Andrew Largeman: You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the start of something really big, but right now, I gotta go.

Mark: Hey, vagina.
Andrew Largeman: Hey, what's up, guys? Uh, Sam, it's Mark, Dave, and you remember Jesse.
Jesse: Hey.
Sam: Hey.
Dave: What's up?
Mark: Hey, nice to meet you. I'm sorry I said vagina just now. I didn't know you were here.
Sam: Oh, that's okay.
Mark: Nice. Let's get fucked up.

Andrew Largeman: So how do people know what's real?
Sam: Well, I always feel bad afterwards and admit them when they're lies. Can you trust that?

Sam: So what are you here for?
Andrew Largeman: What are you here for?
Sam: Waiting for a friend, you?
Andrew Largeman: I uh.
Sam: Oh fuck, that was so nosy. I'm sorry, ack. I am. I am so nosy. I didn't I didn't mean to be. I am sorry.
Andrew Largeman: No, I just get these headaches. I wanna have em checked out.
Sam: Cool.

Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you?
Andrew Largeman: What?
Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.

Obnoxious Girl: I'll have a Ketel Cosmo, with Red Bull - and some bread ASAP.
Andrew Largeman: ...We don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: What do you mean you don't have bread, how can you not have bread?
Andrew Largeman: ...we're a Vietnamese restaurant... we just don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: Well, you're not Vietnamese.
Andrew Largeman: ...No, I'm not.
Obnoxious Girl: Can I have something to chew on! Fuck, bamboo! Whatever.
Andrew Largeman: I'll see what I can find.

Michael: When I was twelve, I'd close my eyes and picture what it would be like to be thirty and this is exactly what I saw: great friends, beautiful girlfriend. I should also mention that in that same fantasy Hulk Hogan was my live in bodyguard.

Finley: Did those crows just say we're gonna die?

JD: Who put this mistletoe up?
The Janitor: I did. I drove around the whole city before my 5 AM shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.
JD: But I've only worked here three months.

Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?

Dr. Cox: Hey, Betty. Hey, Wilma. Oh, what the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I... Do I smell beer?
JD: Uh, we... Uh, we had a few.
Dr. Cox: Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.

Dr. Cox: You want some advice? No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: Now what's that supposed to mean?
[A patient flies in from offscreen, dragging JD through a door.]
Johnny: Who am I!?

Turk: Say it!
JD: I'm your biatch.

My Interpretation - S2-E20

JD: Look, uh... Janitor...I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
JD: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
JD: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
Janitor: Uhhh...
JD: Look, it was just a coincidence, man - I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What?! Why?!
JD: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!

My Advice to You - S3-E6

Dr. Kelso: If your grandmother were here, wouldn't you want her doctor to spend as much time with her as he does with anyone else?
JD: Grandma Dorian or Nana Hobbs? Because Nana Hobbs can be an eensy bit racist.
Dr. Kelso: Grandma Dorian.
JD: She's dead.